The Freezing

I have shut down my own curiosity. I have chewed on it, and gulp it down.

My cousin-in-law came in the darkness of the night. I wasn’t well and didn’t realize she came. I was in my room trying to fight off the hallucination that haunted my sleepless nights. When morning came, I decided I should just fight off the drowsiness and show my disoriented morning face to my so-called family.

What I found staring at me however, was a guest.
I ignored her thinking that maybe I wasn’t in my right mind. Still, they say hallucinations usually involved things that are close to you, a somewhat strong emotion. I’ve never felt that way with her. After I got myself water, I challenged what I thought to be my illusion by staring straight at her, waiting for her next move.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’re looking at a ghost,” said she.

To be honest, that was what I thought I heard. I was surprised to even hear her speak. My illusions almost never speak now. Not for years. I could only manage a “What?”

“I’m just asking what’s wrong? You look like you have something to say, but you’ve been standing there and saying nothing for sometime,” she said.

Then I realize that she is a human being. Part of me was relieved. My grandmother then appeared from our lawn telling me that she came last night while I was sleeping.

I wasn’t sleeping. I heard nothing though. No exchange of pleasantries, or scent of food, nor any flickering light changes. I did wonder what time she arrive but I didn’t ask.

I observed my cousin. She had visible bruises on her face and her arm. I wouldn’t know if there are any other beneath the clothes. I could guess who gave that bruise. I couldn’t though, for any reason find what made her came here of all places. I know I wouldn’t ask.

Lately I don’t ask anything of anyone. I know some people would like it more if I take interest in their life. The rules of social interaction however will make me compelled to share some part of my life in exchange for theirs. And I want none of mine shared.

I welcome my cousin. She was a good help. Huninis doesn’t seem to appreciate it though. She made no attempt for conversation, or gratefulness for the additional house help. I’m sure my cousin noticed. Huninis was never so grateful but it wasn’t so painfully obvious, and somehow I pity my cousin who came here, maybe seeking consolation. It is not here where warmth can be found. We can offer food and shelter, but ours is a cold one. After a few days, I guess she took the cue and left within the week.

I didn’t ask Huninis why the cold treatment. I didn’t ask her why she came here of all places. Huninis never loved trouble.

I wanted to scream at the treatment we gave her. Still, I said nothing. The part of me that wanted so bad to help her, to know what she’d do now, what happened exactly in the first place, I bottled it away.

Somewhere in me knows that this is not a wise decision. However a wise one leads to mingling with people again. I don’t want to find people I can trust, for I will just found more that I can’t.

So this is fine. She’ll find a solution somehow. One that will not involve me. Yes, and if that is not how it’ll turn out, so be it. I don’t want to know.