Leaning Onto You

 This is mainly a reaction post to this piece of music by Young K.

I was taking a break from a long day. I was tired of reading too many class materials and I just wanted to relax. The song provided me just that. Relaxation.

I really did want to lean onto the song, let it take away all my worries and wash away all the hard moments.

At the same time, it reminded me how human I am. I have been smiling, laughing, and generally enjoying my time even though my sister's passing wasn't that long ago.

Getting There, dear SPM

Let's see...

          I've decided to halt all online activities until my SPM is over. That would mean that this would be the last post for the month and I will only continue after SPM which would be umm... in after 2 months plus (?).

---

          As it is now, [I've receive several test papers] my trial results are very disappointing. Even to myself [!]. That's why, the alarm in me had rung and I really need to brush myself up for the upcoming exam. I don't want to regret it later.

          Since I've decided that, the moment you see this blog is updated [unless it stated - Yatta!! Exam's over in December], I've broken my own oath. Very despicable, no? 

There are quite a few things I wanted to post since I'll be holding myself back for the next two months (tee hee - 2 months IS really very very long for me).

1. Please, anyone who could translate BRIGHT - 1年2ヶ月20日, please help me do a PROPER translation!!
2. I'm still gonna be active on Twitter so.... to those who I follow : [this is a very selfish request] could you tweet things that could lift up fighting spirit?
3. About the dramas I'm planning to download,... hmm.. [ONLY if my standard grade rises SUPERBly] I might download it on holidays (might, might!! hopefully I could stand NOT TO)

How come I have a lot of things on my mind before I start typing and now all of it seems to fly away??

Oh, oh, and after SPM, I  thought... maybe.. since I like watching anime and dramas and reading manga soo much, maybe I should create a blog to summarize all that I watched/read??

I mean like detailed summary.

I know the feeling of not being able to watch something at that time, yet we wanted to know the latest of what happen so... [of course it'll be full of spoilers] but it's for those who really can't stand not knowing, right?? kiki, that's just what I think I want to do....

          For now, I'm gonna strugle with all I might and [pray] all will end well~

As for the rest,..

I've already forgotten what I wanted to say..

So,.. 

This is goodbye,

I guess.

Hope whatever One Piece updates that I'll be missing will be great so that I have MANY chapters to read with great pleasure.

Hope I have enough money to buy MS Gundam Seed and MS Gundam Seed Destiny ORIGINAL Set (DVD only) by the end of the year.

Hopefully Ojakgyo Brothers turn to be a worthwhile drama^^.

Hopefully I could buy the two album I've been longing for a while now~

Hopefully I could really get extraordinary and exceptional results for SPM.

Hope I have time to help NaO download Giseang something drama..

Hopefully I [magically] get a set of T-shirts consisting of all One Piece characters (that would be super cool)

Hopefully I won't be depressed thorough these demanding(for me) times.

Hopefully I won't faint in exam hall again.

Hopefully they released Ouran High School Host Club DVD (drama) by the end of the year - together with the english subs - so I could buy it^^

Hopefully EVERYTHING went as planned and I don't stray from my own promises.

Buh bye

currently listening to :

Sunny Hill - Pray MV

I was scared at first until I actually understood...
This song is sad............

2NE1 - Ugly

          The froggie-teacher said that my generation music was like "Hey, look at me! I'm the person with the biggest problem in the world!!"

          I don't want to say that it's not true. Because part of it might be true. I'm not soo into music that I realize all this anyway. But even if it's true, why is it wrong? Because it's a fact that these type of people wanted their voices to be heard. Even if it's strangers who heard them.

          I'm not saying that it's a good thing. It might be bad for all eternity, who knows? But then again, there's no telling what's good or bad in this world... So you might as well just scream "I'm BAAD!!! and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE GOOD!!" Because those who said they're good aren't necessarily good. And how do we know that they're real if the hand that streches out was one with over-sympathy, resentment to the problem, and grossed-out by it?

Oh no, did I go back to pessimisism? And I thought I'd changed.

"Don't look at me, I hate this feeling right now.

I just want to hide somewhere, I want to run away.

This world is a lie."

Just how many out there had this deep in their thoughts.......

"Don't easily said that you understand me.

My ugly and crooked heart might resent you.

Don't force me to talk; I don't go well with you.

The cold fakeness in your patronizing looks suffocates me.

Don't come close to me. I don't want your interest."

.................................This is exactlly why it's hard to be saved......

          But either way, I think froggie-teacher meant the right thing, if we focused too much on our problems, we might never see the way out of it. AND we shouldn't expect that anyone would lend a helping hand. But if we really need to, just look at the most trivial things and be thankful for that. Don't ever think that we had it worst.

Those who shine so bright is not the most perfect being...

After all, even the sun lives in the dark dark galaxy.... And the effects of it rays brought shadows..Do you think it really is bright?

Now I'm thinking too much .. Haixx..

Let me just concentrate on whatever that matters.. 

Too Much

It's not really new. I made it on ermm,,.. when was it... maybe end of February?

But it's not anything sexual!!!Especially at the 2nd stanza~ There's NOTHING sexual about the poem... It might sound like one... But please think from a non perverted point.

It's a poem dedicated to Kim Joo Won...

Song Ji Eun - Going Crazy (미친거니) [english subs + romanization + hangul]

I love this song ^^
Never would have expected the ending of the video~

That Dishonest Part

           NaO came to my house today. Since Huninis went to Penang with Ien to deal with visa things before she flies to Japan for Sienna's graduation, I asked NaO to stay for the night. And her mom gives a green light so she stayed the night. Huhu, NaO is just beside me sleeping soundlessly, don't know if she dream of anything. Well, if you're reading this later on NaO, I just want to say thanks for today. If you didn't come, I might be one mad woman getting frustrated over every little things that had happened today.

          I think Elle has a problem. I want him to tell me but ah, the obvious annoying Elle not gonna spill a bean! Haixxx,..... I miss him. Truth is he didn't talk much even before but now,... he became almost mute. Hope he's not deaf. While NaO was chatting with me in the dining hall, Elle just sat and stare. He's not even trying to be polite by going away. I know that NaO can't see him but still, it was uncomfortable for me. By the way, I told NaO almost, just almost everything about myself. No, maybe I told her 1/3 of the important things. I felt that if I tell her too much, that I'll be depending on her like I depend on the noname voice. I never really call him anything. Just a no name voice. Felt like if I ever give him a name, I might not wonder or curious to know his real name. Therefore, until he tells me himself, he'll just be another noname.

          NaO actually listen what I said. I thought, really do thought that everyone will thing that I'm crazy if I ever confess on having this problem. I consider it a mental illness. I guess that's why I'm so sensitive to any mental illness. But I was, and probably still am really dishonest. Never telling the whole truth, and keeping things to myself. Maybe that's why I'm left out. Or ignorant. I really love my friends but I can't seem to have the confidence of being very close to them. Maybe that's why Hime doesn't share her situation with me. Though it hurt a bit, maybe more, but I kinda' deserves it. After all, I don't tell her anything either. Chii mo. Noname would probably be disappointed with how I grew up to be. Oh yeah, I noticed that Fritz were doing something while I was in the dining hall with NaO. And LaRich, haha. Caught him glancing over at NaO. I wonder if any one of them would do anything if they sees Chii. Too bad they haven't met Chii. I would like to know their views on her. Hime mo. Maybe Fritz would. Haha, Fritz is giving me a glare. Did he sense I wrote something about him?

          That poem I wrote, I'll dedicate it too them. I'll fix it. Then hopefully I'll have the courage to send it for publishing in  the school magazine. Hopefully they would understand. I talk to Sasha about our future. And we kinda' agree with one thing : we might not WANT to contact our friends right now no matter how close we are. Of course, our reasons differ. Mine would be because I have no confidence that I could stand watching them become further apart from me from the short distance I'll be. I'm really building a wall. It's too keep myself safe, actually. I guess that incident with Flower and Soyain from 7 years back was still too much for me. And the same as what happen 5 years ago with Saru and just a year after, with Mimi-chan. I learn my lesson. Though it was a stupid thing and not the right moral value, and though I know of this, I will still take it as a lesson.

          Just like how Kyoko secure her box by locking it over and over again, I secure my heart by shutting it tight, only letting tiny pores to open so that it could still breath and help me face this big reality world.

____________________________________________________________________

listening to : Co-Ed School - I Love You A Thousand Times

       

Perfection 태완미 (Korean Ver.) - Super Junior M

Finally the Kor. version came out~
and with good subs too ^^

[Engsub] Perfection (太完美) MV - Super Junior M [HD]

It seems like it's another new song~
But I yearn for K.R.Y

Just Finished

          Just Finished! Just finished exam today~ Just finished being scolded for telling the truth about how hard Physics exam yesterday. Just finished quarreling with Elle for keeping quiet. Just finished being slightly happy after seeing my Quran teacher. Just finished getting annoyed with Ien. Just finished from shopping with grandma. Just finished having headache thinking about the best thing that I could present someone. I don't want to do the bad movie thing : I'm the best gift for you. As if I'll ever know that!

          Right now, I'm listening to IU - The Story Only I Didn't Know.

           I'm thinking of composing a story for the "Teacher's Day Children Story Writing" competition. But the due date is 1st March. Great, it's soo far away that I can relax... Yeah, right! I have to get started now. But how can I if I'm typing for this blog right now?

         Tazia didn't know that I have a blog until yesterday. Its's not surprising since I have no followers yet. Haha, it's  so stupid to laugh since it sounded sad. And I can't say that it's not even when it really is not... I'm in the school magazine team now so i'm pretty busy with school stuff. Actually, not yet. But going to be since the loads of work will start on march.

          Oh, G.NA Black and White won the 1st place for today Music Bank. Too bad I don't have Animax or MTV. At least I could listen to Japanese songs too. I'm suppose to have this learning trip to Segi College and KDU in Penang tomorrow but it seems that it was postponed to some other time, who knows when. I just hope that it's not 2/4 coz I have planned that that day, my club members will be going to the Old Folks Home in Taiping. And I really want it to be successful since I'm club president. And I was the one planning it all.

          I brought some chocolates for Sasha today since she loves chocolates. But silly me, I forgot she went to Cambodia for the weekend. Weekends! What a holiday. I wish I could afford that kind of holiday trip. I am jealous. But not to the point of envy. Sasha went to India a couple of times too. Elle must be jealous of her. I know he wishes to go there too though I have no idea why.

          By the way, I met an Indian boy last year. Sharpener, that'll be his name. I wonder why his voice is so deep that I keep on remembering him. And yeah, Elle remind me of him. Elle had this dark feature like him except that Elle is cold and have a smooth face while Sharpener is friendly and with freckles. The thing is, I've been remembering him from time to time. Almost like Joo Won, his voice. But action, no way! Joo Won was more aggressive. Of course, I don't think I like him or anything like that. it's just that it's bugging me the fact that I see him in Elle. And I see Elle everyday! And Eli, you know him? No, you don't. He's a character I made in a story. The truth is, I made the Eli character based on Sharpener. But his name came from Elle's name. Huhu, I should stay away from Sharpener but he's my mom's student and coincidently, I see him everythime I went to my mom's school.

          I hope this feeling will also be gone, over with. End. Fin. Finish. But not just finish, yet.

Secret Garden

          I'm into this drama lately. It was recommended by may new friend whose name resembles Elle and Eli. It's a funny, romantic, yet tense (not quite sure if this is right) drama. But I'm in love wit it from the first chapter itself. The storyline is interesting.

Synopsis

The drama tells the story of Kim Joo Won (Hyun Bin), an arrogant and eccentric CEO who maintains the image of seeming perfection, and Gil Ra Im (Ha Ji Won), a poor and humble stuntwoman whose beauty and body are the object of envy amongst top actresses. Their accidental meeting, when Joo Won mistakes Ra Im for actress Park Chae Rin, marks the beginning of a tense, bickering relationship, through which Joo Won tries to hide a growing attraction to Ra Im that both confuses and disturbs him. To complicate matters further, a strange sequence of events results in them swapping bodies.


source: http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Secret_Garden


          I love the guy, Kim Joo Won character the most. Hyun Bin is very very very good acting that character. How do I put it? Joo Won is the meanest man yet aggressive and romantic. I don't mean aggressive in a way that he'll kick punch etc, but his persistence pestering and constant flirting with the girl. But though all his action are very very very heart throbbing a.k.a romantic, he's words are like knife stabbing you and worse, hold your tongue. There's nothing we can argue about it, 'cause he's right. But the fact that he is, is what makes him so mean. Yet, while hating him to, I can't seem to avert my eyes, we just can't push him away. Although painful, we would want him to still be there, even if he probably don't love us, and don't care a thing about how we feel, or worse, just toying with our feelings.

I guess I love that character the most. The girl was good too. But maybe as another girl, I can't bring myself to compliment her since I've used up my emotion for the guy. Huhu~ Does that make sense?

I also love the other character in the drama. Well, not Joo Won's mother, yet. I'm at the 18th episode and I still don't find anything to like about his mother. But tthe story in some part, like when they went to Jeju Island is creepy. I mean, it felt so... (sorry, my vocab not that good so I could only use this word) creepy when they enter the forest(the shop-old lady-flower wine-chickens). It gives me goosebumps.

Well, in other words, I truly recommend this story to be a must watch!

Remind me of Elle

There's a new girl in class whose name is similar to my secretary, Elle.
I like the new girl very very much. B4 you start thinking annoying stuff, I'm a girl who thinks of her only as friend.

She had so many similarities with me...

Like : our parents occupation, she's living in the house i lived before, she had an annoying sister, she loves K-Drama... ok, that's different. I love J-Drama and J-pop... though i like K-drama and hits too. Some of them. She was the opposite of it. We play chess, alone. We play badminton without anyone teaching us. What we did at home are the same too. And our thinking are alike... in most cases~

Is that coincidence or what?