No Reassurance

Despite taking a month long holiday, I didn't feel like I caught a break.

     The thing with Gari made me think a lot. Convincing someone that things will get better makes me hate myself since that's an everyday effort, just to believe it myself. So it was not really surprising to me, when I asked for OssanFruit's help.

The Stars Leaked

I had the most wonderful dream yesterday.

Hime, Chi, Nao and I decided to finally have our destination travels. We took a flight to somewhere and when we reached the airport, Bear picked us up. I was relieved when he did, amazed too that he drove. I kept on talking about how he never drives in Malaysia and it was odd to see him driving now. My girlfriends were shy, quiet and awkward so it was just me blabbering to Bear while he sat and drove on with increasing annoyance at me.

Then the car broke down. He pulled it over and went to check the engine while the rest of us just waited. Chi went to him and started helping him out and he gave Chi some engine lessons and they bonded.

We were curious so we went and peeked.
At that moment, Bear hit some kind of cord or pipe. There was a loud explosion.
But out of it came billion of stars and sun - the whole galaxy.

It was such a beautiful sight.

Then I woke up.

Distorted Chords of the Now

So guys, do you remember Sonnet? I wrote about her some time ago, in Oh Sweet Sonnet.

Yea.. about her, I guess I'm no longer in her friend circle. Although, she will always be in mine. It's an odd declaration but I meant it. I don't know how to approach her before nor do I know it now. It was always her approaching me and I appreciated it. Maybe it's the jerk in me saying, but truly, I don't know how to start or maintain a conversation.

For You

So...... hello.

Wow I have been depressing. I hate that part of me but it's good that it's not like that now. Whne I wake up this morning feeling so light, the first thing I wanted to do was message or call my friends. Then I realize my phone died, and my charger, unfortunately went missing again.

So dear friends who knew me, since only people who really are my closest friends actually knew about this blog, thank you for putting up with me.

Also to my sisters. I don't really know how to say sweet words but you two probably know what I wanted to express.

I love you all and that'll never change.

Wedge

“People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.” 

— Veronica Roth

Funny how that works. Recently my dad said I'm too quiet. Not in the sense that I'm shy quiet or doesn't talk. I'm pretty sure he meant that I'm not participating in any talk at all. Quite frankly, it's because I have absolutely no interest in anyone at the moment, no inquiries of the sort and, I don't want anyone to ask about me.

<>Do<>NoT<>AsK<>

I kept a lot of things to myself.
     Maybe that made people think I'm being secretive.
          Some friends may see that as me not trusting them enough.

When they ask me why's that, I usually tell them "I don't know".

Maybe Stress Got To Me

#nowplaying Blue - Guilty

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty

That, honestly wasn't part of what I wanted to express at the moment. I just had this sudden feeling of sharing what I'm listening. It's not like I'm feeling guilty of anything.

          It's just that my friend, Amo-san asked me last few weeks about my love life. It's odd that anyone was interested at all. I didn't really tell him exactly like I wrote in "The Yucky Love Stuff" which also wasn't really everything. But I told him about entry no. 4; The one with faraway eyes.

The Yucky Love Stuff

Alright, more have happened ever since but being me, I was lazy to update anything at all.
          Well, that's mainly because I was having trouble to form the right sentence to phrase in my writings, which might as well just be an excuse for being lazy or might just be the truth. I don't know. I have to question myself with what I'm thinking nowadays. I can't ever be sure.

With all the yucky love stuff being brought up constantly almost everywhere, I finally decided what to write about. Yeah, yucky love stuff. I'll give the credits to Julia Roberts (My Best Friend's Wedding). I love the way she said it.

So what sort of substance? Well, let's review my failed love life over the course of... my life? Ok, that's odd. Don't worry, it's not a sad story. Might be depressing and pathetic though. Haha. You have been warned.

When The World Expands

Have you ever felt like you're left behind by a great deal of things that matters?

          Here's a story about someone who worked so hard on something and now have to re-think her steps.

She's on the verge of success, what made her even think of pulling out?

Oh Sweet Sonnet ヾ(￣ー￣)X(^∇^)ゞ

Wrote a SONNET for literature class. Themed love. So I wrote with grandpa in mind. I missed him.

Well anyway, something quite touching happened.
Not the biggest of matter, not anything big and important, but something sweet.
It's like eating red-bean pau which someone had put some hazelnut inside. And it caught you by surprise, and you'll end up smiling.
        That sort of sweet and touching thing. Haha.

Circle in need.

There are two types of friends I've been told by old old grandfathers, by teachers, by fictions, by documentaries, by quotes, by self and by the so-called friends.

First, is the friend in need.
Second, the friend with need.

The best part of life is that friends with needs are very easy to identify. Very very easy. After all, the friend in need is also the friend with need.
But the friend with need is not a friend in need.

Keeping Oneself

I think everyone know how important it is to be yourself.

I'm not the best example though. After all, one of my trait is that I'm good at ignoring people, things etc. And that, sincerely, I know it's bad. But that's how I prefer myself to do. Instead of using the annoying method of quarreling till no end, it's better to ignore certain things right?
      No, on second thought, don't agree with me.

But in any case, being yourself is being you, right? If you try to be someone else, then this is the question I'll ask, "Where are you?". So, what about being conscious of what others are talking about you?

Fig & Olive

Hey you guys again! Haha, sorry I haven't been updating much when I said I would last few months. When was it, I wonder? Haha.. (just so you know, this is called a guilty laugh- tee hee, an an embarrassed laugh- not that it's necessary to tell..)

Ok, in any case, once upon a time, I did mention that I was going to recap things right? Well, as for now, let's recap the days I spent during before the time I started my Foundation course. Yup^^ the short month I went working.

Oh, by the way, I've finished my 1st semester, currently on semester holiday. And will be continuing my 2nd sem next week.

Here goes:

A case of Giving

Good news about today is..... I finished my script and articles!!!! YEA!!!

Here's the not so though:

          My department and I was in-charge for Iftar today.. oh wait, I meant yesterday. We were all first timers in doing these sort of things. Unfortunately, there was another Iftar held a few blocks away. Since our Iftar will be ongoing throughout Ramadhan while the other one is a one day event together with some contest, our High Com thought that just for that day, less people will be coming to the mosque for Iftar.

Oh wrong they were.

The thing about control

Ok, honestly, it's really odd to post something after I didn't do so for long. Well that's my fault anyway. Oh, currently I'm listening to Aoyama Thelma ft SouljaBoy - Sobani Iru Ne.

         I have been enjoying my university life, really. I guess it's not that hyper free social life that you guys might be thinking. Nope. Just pure interesting involvement in clubs. What to do? I'm a freak when it comes to doing thing that I like. Even if my body can't handle it, I would still push myself to do it.

          Well, here's how it it: Everything comes with a price. The price I pay for enjoying club activities is the superb weariness. I guess that made me get either over crazy or easily irritated. Of course I prefer the first right? Even though logically, being crazy is bad, it's actually a positive thing as compared to getting irritated easily. But recently, since my being crazy also meant being overly happy and good, I felt that a certain someone is taking advantage of that.

The "he"

Ok, here I am one again.
LOL, of course :) it's my blog right? lalalalala

           Ok. I have a reason as to why I post today. Coming from an all girls school, I found it a bit odd when I mingle around men in university. Well, the worst thing would be the fact that my university have the ratio of 4:1 or 3:1 (can't remember) of men to women.
That means that the population of men are at least triple the number of women.

Rambling Events

So, here's another start of my random rambling again. For those who had been continuously reading them, seriously, THANKS^^.

Hmm... let's talk about recent event:

          On Valentine's Day (14/2), I've been invited to Chii's house. At first, "they" (Chii and NaO) told me that we're (myself, them, and Hime) eating out. Pizza. So, I told them, "Let me ask Pakcik Damur if I have Driving License on that day". So I went and ask and Pakcik Damur and he said "Nope, no class that day". But then he ask me why, and whether I made plans etc. Yeah, I said. So this pakcik gave me this one look that explain it all- he thought I have a boyfriend. Figures, who had a date with girlfriends on Valentine? Haha, but I don't celebrate Valentine so it's just another odinary day to me anyway^^. I guess he's right to be worried. But he should really not jump to conclusion.

          Whatever, so anyway, they also said that we'll be baking some chocolates too. Yay, I cheered. Never have I bake any chocolate. Heh. But when I arrived, they were sitting around with Chii playing her games [don't remember the title]. Buuh, where's the so called chocolate enthusias? So then, we goofed around for not-exactly a bit, if you know what I meant. After a while -don't remember who-, someone brought up about the pizza. But by then, Chii's mother were coming back. So we thought of just ordering the pizza. Heh, typical. But DUM DUM DUM, Chii's mother came home and made lunch for us. So screw the pizza. Haha. Usually things don't turn out as planned anyway^^.

          I kinda', although I don't think so, forced Chii to let me play her PS3. Hehe, so I guess, because she let me play 'em, the whole trip turns out super worthwhile. I only played one game though - Sengoku; BASARA. I read them somewhere when I was researching about Sanada Juuyushi. Heh, so OBVIOUSLY, I played Sanada Yukimura's character. I played "easy" coz I'm a beginner and such, but I won^^ hehe~ SO either way, just when I was excited about wanting to play Final Fantasy [whatever number I don't know], NaO's dad arrived. I'm going back home with her so.. aww, kinda sigh quietly T^T.

That's that.

          Then I had my driving lesson the next next day. Buu, it didn't really turn out that well. Kinda' embarrassing, if I had to admit. But I won't be defeated by a few embarrassing moments. Who cares if most of the instructor presents were chuckling away. Blergh, I'm a newbie so it's only natural not to have any knowledge they called common. Buh, what's so common about it anyway? *sulking*

          So on yesterday's lesson, I improved greatly. Although of course not as great as the skillful them, but as someone who starts from ZERO, my improvement was commendable, said the motorcycle instructor though.

Well, that's for me to keep in my memoirs.

Until some other time later, JA!

BM tomorrow

As the title mentioned, I'll be having my trial BM paper tomorrow~
It's good that I have just gotten healthy and well again a few hours ago.. huhu

I have been on a fever for 4 days (?)..

But I'm still so-very-scared because my KOMSAS [Malay Literature] sucks!! And my Malay Grammar too T^T... what do I do????

          Still, while I'm waiting for my cousin BM paper to be e-mailed to me [she's not from the same state I am, so she's having her paper early - NOT TO WORRY, I don't cheat], I stole some time for blogging^^ ehehe *//*

          If I I wanted to say was about my exam, then aren't my life dull? Exam, exam, exam..... huuuh~ where's the fun in reading a blog if that's all it said, eh? I think so too... So, that is NOT the reason why I'm blogging right now~ huhu

          You see, I went to NaO's house this evening, just for the sake of fetching my dad's "muruku" [a type of snack]. Now here's another side-story before I go into the main one.

     During Raya Aidilfitri [the first day - I think], I invited my friend AND her family to come. Well, since I mentioned NaO, you could've guessed that it was her. And so she came...she stayed for a long time actually^^ I felt just a little bit guilty because I'm keeping her from her family when the first day are supposed to be spent with your family. And so, her family came later on when all my distant family had dissapeared to their respective home~ haha, I like that"dissapeared"..

           Here's the best part: I have known her mom for quite some time so I must admit I don't mind being shameless in asking for food to be cook -for me^^. Well, I'm her daughter's friend after all. Haha, who cares??Right? NaO, if you're reading this, don't be mad^^... But the thing is,.. that day was my dad and her mom first, FIRST  meeting and he shamelessly ask for "muruku". He ASK for it. It's not like she said, "If you like it, I could make it".. No, no, no~ he ask for it!!

Well, I'm not mad cause' he ask for it~ I'm basically sulking 'cause he got it.. >,> HE GOT WHAT HE ASKED!!! I haven't even gotten my "tosay"... T^T 

THAT's just the side-dish for the main menu^^

Now here's the main menu:

           My, my~ Sienna only visited NaO's home for like, a few hours last year (I think it was last year)... and her mom is praising her like she's an angel >,> behh!!! Okay, I got to admit, my eldest sister is kinda' sweet and kind... and humble (they praise her for this), but! people should really know not to praise someone in front of their sister.. haixxx,.. I'm not jealous, I just didn't really know how to respond.. Well, I didn't want to say, "Yes, my sister is very very kind and humble" to NaO's mother... No matter how kind she is, she's still the dinosaur sister I've known since childhood. The one with veto power T^T.

           And how can I said, "No, she's not like that~ She enforced her will on the younger siblings, and magically we follow without any objection.. maybe just a few grumbles.. And she was really mean, when I viewed her back as a child.."? There's no way I can say that!! That's so one-sided view~ ANd that would make me sound like a brat T^T And it's not like all of that is true >,> ahaha...

So yea, I ended up smiling and nodded.

          So get it Sienna-neechan?? When you come back here, you better come and see NaO's mother^^ 

I wonder if I would miss her more one day.... rather that this house I'm living in.. Of course I'll miss my dad^^

But all of it didn't matter^^

HAHAHAHAHA

I still got my own share of "muruku" in the end^^!!!

HAHAHAHA

I mean, our share of muruku...

But anyway, pray I do well in my trials 

~InsyaAllah~

Not Very Normal

Today, the day resume like it normally is.
     Except the fact that it's the month of Ramadan, so the other Muslim students and I are fasting.

          Well, I thought nothing could go wrong.. (as long as I'm at school, that is) You see, I'm starting to pick up most things that I've missed. And my pace and slowly catching up with everyone else.
Nothing did go wrong,... at least~ not academically...
   Nothing about the school, the studies, NOTHING of sort did go wrong~
I had a bit of a headache, but it was slight and bearable, so that does not consider as a problem.

However, the usual Tata, which I've never mention before....
      Tata is my classmate, annoying, fun, but annoying, and still fun, and her hobby is to make everyone annoyed when she's bored. Well, why she's considered fun? She disturbed everyone when they're too tensed and when thing are boring and duh duh! That's why though she's annoying, she's still fun~ no one hates her or something.. Maybe.. Well, Sasha do.. because of something in the past, I guess~ Grudge don't go away easily, you know?

         So, this Tata, her favourite ways of disturbing me is including pushing me to the wall, and "try to mess" with my scarf. There's one time she was successful so I've become extra cautious around her for that.. Stupid Tata~
          Back to the topic... Tata tried again today. Normally, I would have successfully push her away. I mean it, EASILY, I would have pushed her away.... But that's the problem. The-seem-to-be normal day did not go very normal today.
When she came near, I instinctively put up my defense. But DOOONNN!!! The minute my senses detect her hands, my strength was drained away.

          Here's the difficult part: My guard was still up, so why did my strength pull away? She did not mess with my scarf though. I don't know if it was either she realize how shock I was at the situation or whether she herself is shocked because I couldn't push her back.

Because after sometime, she exclaim,"Hey!! When did you get so weak??!!"

And buuuzzzzzzzzzz~ the bell chime in my head. My strength is failing me? What happen??
          Tata just left and said, "Sorry, maybe it's because you're fasting~"
And my thought scream, WE played and fought like this every single week and duh! That includes last year Ramadan month too!!!! It's not the fasting~ I'm not the kind gets weak over half a day of no-food. And besides, I already have my "sahur" (something like breakfast but it must be before Subuh prayer)..

I don't know what's happening~
          It's not the first time, now that I reflect on it,.. there are many times when my hand let go of my own book because it suddenly don't have the strength to carry it. And I'm not talking about a pile of books. I'm talking about a single light book.

But either way,.. that is that~
I don't want to worry too much on it... T____T

Ano Hana

Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai

*highly recommended

Plot

A group of six childhood friends drift apart after one of them, Meiko "Menma" Honma, dies in an accident. Ten years after the incident, the leader of the group, Jinta Yadomi, has withdrawn from society and lives as a recluse. One summer day, an older looking Menma appears before him and asks to have a wish granted. However, she does not remember what it is. 

source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ano_Hi_Mita_Hana_no_Namae_o_Bokutachi_wa_Mada_Shiranai

Click here to watch the story online.

I do not own the link.

My review

It's a wonderful story about friendship, in my opinion. How a person importance differ to each individual...

               For instance, when everyone decide to grant Menma's wishes, all 5 of them have different thoughts. Jinta never wanted to grant the wish because he didn't really want Menma to peacefully leave to heaven (according to the story). But he help and convince everyone because he love her and like seeing her smile. Anaru on the other hand wanted Menma to pass on because she wanted Menma to be out of Jinta's head so that Jinta would like her instead.Yukiatsu was irritated and frustrated because Jinta was the only one that could see Menma so he wanted Menma to quickly leave so that Jinta won't have that advantage anymore. Basically, he and Anaru was jealous. Because Yukiatsu and Anaru was in way had the same problem, they had an understanding. This causes Tsuruko to be jealous of Anaru. She wanted to help Menma so that Anaru would be together with Jinta, and thus creating chance between her and Yukiatsu. As for Poppo, he saw Menma died and the image won't leave his head. Especially since he watch her fell and drift without helping. So he thought that if Menma would be happy to leave for heaven, then he would be freed of the guilt (at least that's how I understand it).

               In the end they realize how selfish they had been the entire time.. and they reflect on it. And all this time, Menma only wishes for them to be happy, to be friends again. To be friends forever.

Either way, the ending was tear-jerking. I haven't felt that sad for any story for many years now...

     It felt good to cry.