Well, that's mainly because I was having trouble to form the right sentence to phrase in my writings, which might as well just be an excuse for being lazy or might just be the truth. I don't know. I have to question myself with what I'm thinking nowadays. I can't ever be sure.
With all the yucky love stuff being brought up constantly almost everywhere, I finally decided what to write about. Yeah, yucky love stuff. I'll give the credits to Julia Roberts (My Best Friend's Wedding). I love the way she said it.
So what sort of substance? Well, let's review my failed love life over the course of... my life? Ok, that's odd. Don't worry, it's not a sad story. Might be depressing and pathetic though. Haha. You have been warned.
1. That guy whom I can never recall.
Ok, there's thing guy in my first grade, that I hated. Really hated. But well, our brothers are the best of friends and we were both (at that point of time) are fans of our brothers. Coz well, when you're 7, brothers are either the coolest guy in the world after your dad, or the meanest. In my case, it was the first, since Tazia is the meanest. And do note that I said "is", not "was".
So well, we always talk about what our brothers do (I don't know how we got close, I forgot - but it happened and whatever) and ended up like the best secret friends. Well, it was a secret because I was the leader of the anti-boys group and he was too, for the anti-girls. We argued and fight like nemesis in school in front of others but the moment the last bell rings, we know we were best buddies.
I guess I was attracted, never really said it though. I think he did too, maybe. Or maybe I just think he did. After all they say boys that age doesn't think of such stuff. In my case, Disney ruined me with the love stuff. Haha. Well, the story ends when he moved by the end of first grade. We knew each other for only one year. But even though I forgot his name & face already, I think I'll remember him forever. Even Soyain was just second after him. He was my first super best friend, biggest rival and coolest guy in first grade. Lol, did I just said that?
2. The good class rep.
So then I moved away, studying overseas (well, I did cross the South China Sea) during standard 4. There, I was totally changed. The wild child from Sarawak was pretty shocked to see the nice and feminine ways of the girls in Kemaman. Well, even though I was wild back then, I was still one of the nicest. So coming there, I knew I wasn't anymore, so I change. Mainly because I love them. And I want them to love me.
Well, my tall lean and kind class rep was very helpful to me at that time, and since I was new, I appreciate that and liked him for it. Of course, after that, I found out that the vice rep had a forever crush on him and hated that I was close. Well, guess what? I ended up being her best friend, and actually supported her, denying that I liked him as well. I don't regret that coz she was cute and I love being kind to cute beings. Haha, and I didn't like him that much. It was just a crush. And I was in a phase where I still hated to move away from by beloved hometown.
Then we moved away after 4 months.
3. The maybe cousins, almost more.
And there's the family that's feels like our own family even when we have no blood ties at all. Family's friend, people would say. But they're more than friends. They actually felt more like family than our own real family. Yes, I said felt. To everyone else, they might still feel like family, but to me, now they're just my family's friend. What happened?
They have sons which I have always thought were my cousins until I know we're not related. We were close when we're kids, and then grew apart while growing up. Then thing is, I always fancy the younger brother. Haha, and actually thought that he fancied me. But it turns out that the one who fancied me was the older brother who, I ended up being closer to than the youngest. Well, I wasn't the most friendly sort of human being, and he wasn't either. We don't talk much, and I always talk to the youngest brother. But somehow, it's like we understood each other without having to exchange words.
I honestly treasured those moments. Actually, little by little, I did liked him. And when I first heard his dad joked about one of my siblings (which of course meant the girls) marrying one of his sons, I actually imagined myself. And I like the thought of that. After all, I loved his parents and I am growing to like him. But this one doesn't end too well, kinda' bitter actually.
Whenever we met, he made it seems like he liked me, and I thought I made sure he knew I have no one else. But I'm glad I knew early. One day the youngest brother accidentally blurt out that he already have a girlfriend. And well, it hurts. I mean, I did care at that point of time. Well, he was being awkward after that and everytime any joke about marriage came up, I would always be the first to hint that it won't be me. Who knows what he said to his parents, but after a while, no one said anything about joining our family. We're still awkward but I don't really hate him for anything. It's not like there's anything there in the first place.
4. The one with faraway eyes.
Well, I was in a girls school after I moved away from the nice class rep's state. And I was glad. No more of anyone liking me or me liking anyone. But unexpectedly by my parents and most of my old friends, I became quite a recluse. Didn't really like anyone, or have any particular interest in mixing with anyone. I didn't go to tuition centre so my life was completely without boys.
But I took up martial arts, and somehow the instructor took a liking at my form and successfully lure me to join outside training. With the over-populated guys and a girl who hated me. Yeah,before my youngest sis joined me, there were only 4 girls in that training centre. One girl hated me (I don't know why - I never did talk to her about it), one girl always try to have me talk to another guy that I have no interest in, and another girl who likes to tell me how she hated the other two and how she's actually really better than them.
I guess the instructor saw my discomfort and have another peer to help me with my training. Well yeah, so the story goes that I fell for him. Hard. And we become the best of mates. Talked about lots of stuff. Then one day he started asking bout the training in school so I excitedly tell him about everything. I didn't realize he asked that everytime after that, until he starts asking about specific junior of mine and boom! I know that look in people's eyes when they're in it so deep. Because my grandfather have that eyes when he looked at my grandma, and my father have it in him when my mom's with him.
And I was stupid to actually bear with it and helped him with it. I just, you know.. can't bear to see him all longing like that and get hurt.
And that's that. I'm over it so let's just go ahead to number 5.
5. The sarcastic prick.
Well, this one is tough. I don't think I like him. Even now I don't. But I do. Get it? I don't know. Haha. Met this guy after I finished my SPM. Sarcastic, in many ways better than I am, and for someone like me who hates losing, I hate him, a lot. But I'm the nice girl who doesn't have it in her to hate people (LOL - that's honest, but it's actually I hate the feeling of not liking others), so I tried to be his friend and I end up seriously liking this guy, as a friend of course. And I have no other interest.
But he and his friend, and some other annoying people around me at that time loves to bring up the yucky love stuff. And I just wish they would stop. Then just coz apparently, he's the only guy I would deem as a close friend at that time, people starts bugging me bout it. I guess when I didn't see him, I do miss him. But if I see him, I think I'll get awkward so this distance is good. I don't see him nowadays, but if I have to choose between do I like him or not, I guess I do.
6. My best friend after few conversations.
Nothing much I can say about this one. Always comes at the right timing, very reliable. He's the best friend you don't ever want to lose. And just like how everything goes, best friends cannot ever ever ever .. oh well, you know what I'm about to say anyway.
Well, I don't ever want to lose my best friend. I always end up losing them so this time, I don't plan on doing anything that could sever the ties. So yeah, I'll just bury this deep, I hope.
So basically, the reason I decided to talk about this is............ well, I think I need to end this stupid feelings. So yeah, let's just say goodbye to any wanting for now. I'm gonna get over it. =)
So that's the end of the yucky love stuff. YEAH.
FIN
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