The Repercussion of Kind

I wish I have a time machine.

Years ago, it would have been for the past. Now, I want to go to the future.
Living in movies would be nice. I mean, despite all the terrible things that happened, fast forwarding it to 3 months, or 10 years later felt like an easy process.

They didn't warn us that during those years that they skipped, the agony is deep and real. And it's not something you can easily ask for help about.

Most things have a solution is you know the question.
Or if it's something you can do on your own. Those are solvable problems. Those are the kinds of things you'd ask for guidance and whoever kind enough to help would see you improving after a few days or weeks, maybe worse, after a few months. Then these kind people would say "see? I told you, you can do it" ït wasn't that hard" ïf you want it, you can get it" "It was worth the time" or "I'm glad you pulled it through".

You see, the things about problems that stretches over the course of time, one that took years and still have not been solved is accumulating more problem when these kind people turn unkind. Yes, human are dynamic. Sometimes, I don't want to admit that these people would turn unkind. Even kindness have their patience. Even though it's a burden we carry, when it's too much, we seek help. Sometimes verbally, sometimes through hints here and there.

The thing about kind people is, they want to help. They will see these hints. I am however, dying to just tell them they can't. Yet people like me would continue to allow them in. And then these kind people would suffocate. They don't understand. To them everything have a solution as long as we're positive there is. I won't say they're wrong. I wish they're right.

Still, when I don't see a solution, when everyday things just suffocate even more, it's me who's feeling it. It's them getting disgusted. Why? Because they can't help? Because maybe I didn't try hard enough? When will they learn that that disgusted face or voice is exactly the reason why they were never let on so easily in the first place. Or why we cut them off in the middle. It's hard enough dealing with it ourselves, we don't need the pressure.

Sometimes all we want is something good. If I have no good news, I don't speak of the bad ones. I wish they stopped asking things they don't want to hear in the first place.
Don't make me a liar.