The Freezing

I have shut down my own curiosity. I have chewed on it, and gulp it down.

My cousin-in-law came in the darkness of the night. I wasn’t well and didn’t realize she came. I was in my room trying to fight off the hallucination that haunted my sleepless nights. When morning came, I decided I should just fight off the drowsiness and show my disoriented morning face to my so-called family.

What I found staring at me however, was a guest.

"Through This Life" Goal

Lately I’ve been recalling lots of old memories.

When I was a child, my teenage brother used to tell me that every being must have an “I want to live without ---” goal as they live through their life. He told me he wanted as best as possible to live without regrets.

I told him, with every childish certainty and confidence that there will always be regret, either you will it or not. So I told him that not having regrets will not be my goal but I shall choose my own regret. Since his teenage intelligence insist that every human must have that goal, I declared mine to be to live without debt.

The Repercussion of Kind

I wish I have a time machine.

Years ago, it would have been for the past. Now, I want to go to the future.
Living in movies would be nice. I mean, despite all the terrible things that happened, fast forwarding it to 3 months, or 10 years later felt like an easy process.

They didn't warn us that during those years that they skipped, the agony is deep and real. And it's not something you can easily ask for help about.

Most things have a solution is you know the question.

Low Point

Sick again.

It’s been over a week again. I wonder why my cold usually last for very long. Maybe I knew. Maybe I don’t. On these sort of days, I always have this kind of argument with my own head. The other voice gets stronger.

I guess when you’re physically incapable, the mental wars will be in hyper mode.