Let's Not

The title was supposed to be longer. To be exact, it should be "Let's not fall in love", taken directly from Big Bang's song. Heh.

Something just brings me back to this song all the time. It's not just the melody (which is awesome by the way), it's the lyrics.

The reason the title of this post is not finished... is because of guilt.

I'm in a perfectly fine relationship, but sometimes I wonder what if I didn't ask to be in one. Would it be better to savour the affection without feeling attached. I know exactly how relationship has changed me.

I learn to sulk for no reason, lol. I swear it's more serious that it sounds.

I get irritated by lack of attention too. Which I wouldn't feel if I wasn't in a relationship. I wouldn't feel insecure or felt the need to be jealous of anyone who seems closer to my significant other.

I hate this feeling.

Worse of all, my personality prevented me from just being honest about it. I see this as a problem on my end that I need to solve. Hence I couldn't bring it up. I couldn't throw tantrum if it's my fault for having too much time on my hand for stupid thoughts. If only I was busier, if only I could focus with the more pressing things in my life, I wouldn't be so dependent on him that I want his attention.

Sometimes I wish we could be friends again. but I love him too much to want to go back. Though things were much simpler then, I would never felt like he was obligated to respond to me because his life would be filled with other stuff.

This feeling like you want to be a priority in someone's life is a hassle to be honest. It's in the way of my objective. It's in the way of my heartache-free life.

Yeah, I should be firm, I think.

I suppose I'll start with actually focusing on studies. Hopefully, I'll get over this annoying feeling.