This is mainly a reaction post to this piece of music by Young K.
I was taking a break from a long day. I was tired of reading too many class materials and I just wanted to relax. The song provided me just that. Relaxation.
I really did want to lean onto the song, let it take away all my worries and wash away all the hard moments.
At the same time, it reminded me how human I am. I have been smiling, laughing, and generally enjoying my time even though my sister's passing wasn't that long ago.
I feel guilty, yes, and I am divided between staying in mourning or to let her go. I think I have let her go, but her memories come some days and it's hard to talk about it with anyone. Especially not when I have shown that I have moved on.
Generally, I have a hard time of letting go completely. I clung onto someone, be it Elle, my late grandfather or my late sister. I couldn't say I'm over them. I think it's not strange though. They were people I regarded highly in my life, and their passing just made me feel a loss. No matter how much smile I put out, in the end the void is not simple to be filled.
It will always be there, their presence will always linger.
I wish when I feel like this, I have someone who would tell me that I can lean onto them, and just sit down together having tea or read next to one another.
I suppose I have to wait a bit longer before such a person be present in my daily life.
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