The "he"

Ok, here I am one again.
LOL, of course :) it's my blog right? lalalalala

           Ok. I have a reason as to why I post today. Coming from an all girls school, I found it a bit odd when I mingle around men in university. Well, the worst thing would be the fact that my university have the ratio of 4:1 or 3:1 (can't remember) of men to women.
That means that the population of men are at least triple the number of women.



            So what, right? We women can do it if we strive hard for success. Ok, success is my destination. Yippee!! Ha,ha! That's not the problem here T^T. Like most girls, we'll have crushes here and there right? Well here's the problem with a girl who, only at 18 (though I'm not yet 18, will be in 4 days) is exposed to these new species: I can't help but see the charm in most of those that I met.

          Ok, I have been warned. Even in school, the teachers told us that we might be facing these sorts of things. But I was like "Whatever, it's not like I want to date anyone at the moment." That was my mistake. Should have at least installed a siren in me that gives off an alarm which says "Don't talk too long with this person" or "End the talk" or "Run!!" or "Ignore" or simply "Shut down your heart".

Haha, but if I do that, I probably won't interact with any guy on earth. Haha.

          So, I admit I like this guy, that guy and etc. It made me feel better. After all, crushes don't last long. Especially if you only like a person from afar.  So when I spot someone I like, I'll be pulling my friend, giggle and said, "he cut his hair" or "he's studying hard" or "hehehe, he looks cool" or whatever. Just the smallest remark and then I resume my work and forget whatever.

          Thus, those crushes, if I happen to talk to them will end up as a friend. And that's cool, I thought. I gain another friend. But what happens when the feeling suddenly forms for a friend instead of a stranger? I can't say "It's alright. Maybe we could be friends" 'cause we already are. So, at first I simply ignored it.

          This is what I hate about hormones and that sparks of emotion that annoys me to no end. You should not skip a beat when a friend talks to you. Excited, yes. Happy, yes. Pounding heart? NO! You should not found a friend peculiarly attractive. Handsome, yes. Friendly, yes. Charming, yes. Locking eyes? NO! I really want to slap myself.

          That guy is nice as a friend. Talking to him is enjoyable too. Funny, though sarcastic at times. Helpful and quite knowledgeable in his own way. Really, having him as a friend is great. That's why I hate this sparks. I don't want them to ruin everything T^T.

           I want to study. Some of you might think that it's not wrong to study while liking someone. But for me it's wrong:

1. I myself don't want to like anyone at the moment.
2. He already have a girlfriend. 
3. If he ever realize what I felt, it'll ruin the current friendship.
4. Worse, I knew that he has someone he likes since we first met.

In any case, I hope this feeling goes away in time. And that while it goes away, he won't ever realize anything.

I miss Elle more than ever now.