Maybe that made people think I'm being secretive.
Some friends may see that as me not trusting them enough.
When they ask me why's that, I usually tell them "I don't know".
I'm not exactly the secret-keeper kind of person. Most of the times, I would have talk about everything to anyone. Not that I can't keep a secret, mind you, I can, and I'm convinced that I'm a tough nut to break.
It's just that sometimes, I doubt everything should be kept secret. There are times when I think this person wouldn't remember such story so it's alright. Sometimes, I think it could improve two people relationship if one 'accidentally' found out about something.
Though, if you tell me directly "Hey, this is a secret. You must absolutely never tell anyone", then yeah, I wouldn't tell. I would though, if you don't tell me that, even if I knew deep in me that's what you meant, and if there's a reason to let it out.
When it comes to my secret, no one in this earth actually know all of it. None. Maybe if there's alien out there who could read my thoughts, then they'll know. Of course, that's always an "if". And if he's smart, then I'll never know if he knew, unless he's an idiot.. and well, for some reasons, I will know.
I don't really enjoy keeping secret. It's tough. It's not one bit fun. Plus, not everyone can accept when you tell them "I can't tell you that". Like I said, some would think I wouldn't tell them because I don't trust them enough. Honestly, it's not like that.
Everything in this world is connected. The particles, the relationship, the veins, the stories, the lies. Maybe one secret seem like nothing.
Let's put it this way:
Bleu (character A) ask Arbo (character B) where did he go last week. Arbo wouldn't tell him. Bleu kept on bugging him and demands for an answer, "out of friendship", he said, "you could trust me," he said. So Arbo said, "No where. I stayed home".
To Bleu, that wasn't even something to hide. He was probably expecting something worth the secret. Let's say then another character, Jodi (character C), for the fun of it, said "Uuu~ like were you alone? Did you do something naughty?"
So Arbo replied, "Kind of."
Bleu: Kind of? What did you do?
Arbo: It's for the first question, dummy. I was alone.
Jodi: So you did something naughty~~
Arbo: Did not.
Bleu: Your parents weren't home?
Arbo:Yep.
Jodi: You could have invited us over.
Bleu: Or come to our house.
Jodi: Or just hang out somewhere.
Arbo: Or I might actually enjoy staying home?
Bleu: What did you do then?
Arbo: Nothing much.
Jodi: What nothing much? Keeping something from us, eh?
Bleu: Oh? What's that?
Arbo: (honestly, if I am keeping something from you guys, isn't it common courtesy not to pry?) Nothing really.
Jodi: There can't be nothing.
Bleu: Unless you slept all day.
Arbo: Or eat?
Jodi: Were you really alone?
Arbo: Yes. (pang)
Jodi: Really?
Bleu: Why do I detect a lie there?
Arbo: Ok, no. Don't ask though. It's supposed to be a secret.
Jodi: So you did something naughty!!
Arbo: Give it up. I didn't.
Bleu: So why is it a secret then?
Arbo: I don't know. He told me to keep it a secret.
Jodi: You don't keep secrets from your best friends.
Arbo: He seemed desperate to hide it.
Bleu: Who is he?
Arbo: I don't know.
Bleu: Wait wait. Your parents' not home. You're an only child. And you have someone you don't know over at your house?? That's dangerous, man!
Arbo: No, you don't really get it.
Bleu: Is he still in your house?
Jodi: It was last week, of course not.
Arbo:---
Bleu: Arbo?
Arbo: Didn't I told you not to ask?
Bleu: Trust us, Arbo. Who is this guy? He's still in your house?
Arbo: Yea..
Jodi: Your parents?
Arbo: They couldn't see him.
Jodi: Ghost?
Bleu: Hallucination?
Arbo: No. Not both.
Jodi: So what were you doing?
Arbo: Talking.
Jodi: About?
Arbo: It's a secret.
Bleu: There's no secret between us, Arbo.
Arbo: Are you forcing me to tell you?
Jodi: Hey, we're your friends. Shouldn't you trust us?
Arbo: We talked about tomorrow.
Jodi: The future?
Arbo: Kind of.
Bleu: And you really don't know who this is?
Arbo: No.
Bleu: You should stop talking to him then. It doesn't sound healthy.
Arbo: Uh.
By the way, before you guys start imagining stuff in my life, this conversation is entirely fictional. I made it up to show a scenario.
Arbo kept a simple secret because it would link to someone else secret, which he actually leaked out. Kind of made him bad now, since he gave away someone's secret. Bleu might be concerned, but what if something similar happened to him, wonder how he'd like being ask to leak out a secret. Jodi's worse. He was simply curious. Honestly, one day, curiosity will kill the cat.
And if you noticed, Arbo tried to lie, but felt bad about it, still he wasn't that keen with telling them.
Before I go to the main point, I need to finish this story.
So, Arbo went back to his house. Jodi however, on the way back to his house, decided to crash into Arbo's that day out of curiosity. So he went, and Arbo parents welcomed him. Arbo was surprised, wasn't really that happy to receive a guest, tried to hint him to leave but he wouldn't. And then, Jodi went to Arbo's room and see nothing out of the ordinary. He stayed up until so late at night, and eventually asked for a sleepover. Arbo refused to let him stay which made him even curious. He started forcing him to tell, although Arbo hinted about shutting up. And when he brought up the conversation from the day, something came out of the closet, angry.
The next day, Jodi was found dead. Arbo and his family left the town. And Bleu, became a recluse, and eventually went mad after his father was jailed for arson.
I leave the rest to your imagination.
Sometimes, I kept things hidden just for the sake of keeping it hidden. Let say you're in a party with your closest friends and you weren't happy. Then your friends ask why. You rather not tell them but they insist, saying things like "It's better to let it out" or "Maybe we could help.
I wonder how they would feel if the answer is simply,
"I got scared of seeing your face and I'm sad at how ridiculous that is, yet I couldn't shake of the fear of looking at you guys, but I can't exactly scream in horror when I look at you because I love you and you're supposed to feel happy when you see the face of the people you love or like, but instead, all I feel now is the tendency to run away, while not breaking our bond, and how I loath the very minute I stand here among all of you".
Yes, I have a problem.
But telling them these is plain rude.
So stop asking. Your life would be much simpler if you don't pry into the thoughts of what should be kept hidden. Plus, spare your friend a moment of feeling like he or she did a good job by doing what's right and protect your bonds.
These might not be a good enough reason. Still, not everyone finds sharing something easy to do. So if you really are concern, be patient and let us (whom, to you, might seem to be keeping too many things) tell you when we're ready.
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