Maybe Stress Got To Me

#nowplaying Blue - Guilty

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty

That, honestly wasn't part of what I wanted to express at the moment. I just had this sudden feeling of sharing what I'm listening. It's not like I'm feeling guilty of anything.

          It's just that my friend, Amo-san asked me last few weeks about my love life. It's odd that anyone was interested at all. I didn't really tell him exactly like I wrote in "The Yucky Love Stuff" which also wasn't really everything. But I told him about entry no. 4; The one with faraway eyes.

#nowplaying Siti Nurhaliza - Oda Bumi Anbia

Wow~ 

Like, from a love song, my playlist jumped to a war song. 

Oh well, let's get back to the point.

           I told Amo-san because... well, how many years have passed, right? It's not like I wanted him or anything like that. I knew I liked him and that's where the story ends. I didn't want the drama at that time, not that I want it now too.

           Still, after I talked about him, suddenly all the memories seemed pretty fresh. I left high school without feeling like ever want to think about it. I have a lot of pretty good stuff happening during high school, so maybe you guys could argue about how I should treasure those memories. Still, if I have to count (forget about "have", I'm already counting) - the number of bad stuff outweigh the good. True, I found my best friends there. I wouldn't miss out giving credits to Hime, Chi and NaO for making highschool and days after school hours bearable, but count! The only time I get to meet them is during that 20 minutes of recess, if we didn't have anything going on. Maybe NaO's my neighbour, but we weren't close at first, and even so... though sometimes, we meet up at night, took the bike and rode around the neighbourhood, even so... it couldn't get rid the things I had to go through before and after those hours.

#nowplaying Nine Days - Revolve

Because you are the only one

Well, few days after that, I've forgotten about the conversation, and returned to my normal state of self. What's normal though...
   
         I have that PSP that I've been keeping in my drawers untouched since the last two semesters. I didn't feel like using it, so I kept it away- uncharged and stuff. I don't really get why I even started to stare at it for the longest (maybe) of time, thinking of using it. It's not like I wanted to play the games and get addicted again when exam is around the corner.

#nowplaying Yui - Again

I even welcome this nostalgic pain

Oh wow, how come this part of the song came about? I wonder if my playlist is trying to make me sad or some sort.

          Somehow, I convinced myself that I'll charge it so that I can use it as my mp3 player, that way I don't have to use up my phone's battery, or switch the laptop on when I want to listen to songs; although, it's proven that I'm gonna open my laptop even when I'm not using it (I'm trying not to make this a habit- it's a failure so far). Skipping the tiny, unnecessary details.... so, I went ahead and charged it.

         While it was charging, I switched it on, just to see what I'm gonna delete later, to fill in with new songs. I deleted all the games, so that I wouldn't play any. Although considering how I'm always using my laptop, there's no real point in doing that, right? Anyway, I realized the background was the same old (now) boring picture, so I decided to check what other wallpaper did I store in it, to see if there's anything worth to change or should I just transfer new batch of wallpapers.

#nowplaying Bruno Mars - Grenade

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash 

You tossed it it the trash

You did...

          Then I saw it. It was probably during Form 4, if I'm not mistaken, when my taekwondo team decided to go out for a hiking in Bukit Klebang. I didn't mean the one in school. I meant the outside training that I went. It was really one of the guys idea. Not many girls wanted to go, but then again, there weren't that many of us girls at that time. I wanted to go so much, for two reasons really: One, I haven't been hiking for a very long time. Two, if he's going, I wanted a bit more time to just look at him before he graduated and went off somewhere and I know that even if he comes back, I'm not going to attend any reunion or come to any of anything that they'll ever invite me to.

          So, for that reason, I made the members from my school came over for the hike. It wasn't that hard to make them come. I guess you could call it an abuse of power, since I made them come for my own sake. I told them that that will be one of our activity so attendance will be taken. Though, it's pretty mean of me to plan with the instructor on the day than only the selected few (than I liked and tolerated) would be able to come. In simple words, I choose a day that most of my schoolmate would not want to go. Only some of us went, including Ien.

#nowplaying Kalafina - I have a dream

I have a dream

Even on nights when I can’t fall asleep

Even after how many wishes in my heart I abandoned?

Spring comes, the wind blows

We’ll walk on

For the days that won’t change

I’m holding my little dream

          I don't really recall what went through my mind when I saw the photo again. It was really, just one human photo I placed in the folder that holds tens of anime wallpapers. I wonder why I kept that one photo.

          I laughed so hard that my roommate had to stop me.  He was sitting so refreshingly like always at one end, and I was at the other end, next to Ien, being cuddled by one of my schoolmate who went with me. I stared and look at that picture for so long, and I only stopped because I had a sudden realization that I must've looked stupid, staring at the PSP screen, not doing particularly anything else.

#nowplaying Maaya Sakamoto - Loop

If only you would notice me from your distant location.

Now's not the time for me to be missing such annoyingly no-good past though. I've been thinking of starting over somewhere far... just forget everything. And everyone. Oh, he's not the reason. He doesn't even make up for 10% of the reason why I didn't like my past. Maybe it's because he was a minor heartache, that's why I rather think of him as the hurtful part of the past rather than the other bigger things that I hate to bring up.

          Seriously, I don't see a point in staying. There's nothing that I wish from the current me, or my current surrounding.

#nowplaying Celine Dion - That's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out

When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt

Don't give up on your faith

Love comes to those who believe it

And that's the way it is

What's with the songs today? 

           Well, Bookie did tell me not to. My aunt, when she found out about that bag hidden away in my room, told me not to. I have two people stopping me, I guess. They are the only one who knew so it's not that surprising.

For now, I'm staying.. I don't know why though. Let's just see how long I can take it.

#nowplaying Cascada - Truly Madly Deeply

I wanna lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me

I'm gonna resume my revision now. Pray I do well for my exam, and that stress will not beat me down.

I'm tough, after all. =)