Distorted Chords of the Now

So guys, do you remember Sonnet? I wrote about her some time ago, in Oh Sweet Sonnet.

Yea.. about her, I guess I'm no longer in her friend circle. Although, she will always be in mine. It's an odd declaration but I meant it. I don't know how to approach her before nor do I know it now. It was always her approaching me and I appreciated it. Maybe it's the jerk in me saying, but truly, I don't know how to start or maintain a conversation.


So my prediction came true. She preferred the company of others. Well, it was to be expected. I do wish she knows though, that regardless time, I am always someone she can run back to if she liked.

          In some lame way of saying, I do regret not being a better companion. Actually now that I'm considering the bear as a close friend, the fear I had about Sonnet and Sasha's distance just grew bigger.

          When I called up NaO some days ago, I told her how I expected the bear to be angry at my long silence but when she suggested that I call him, I was even more scared if he wasn't. I mean, even I know that 'not caring' is the first step of the ever growing distance. Worse part of it is that it is my fault, and I'm not doing anything to change it.

           I guess people like NaO, Hime and Chi are one of the reasons I take every other relationships for granted. They're the people that will never leave. Not to mention my now married ex-roommate. Somewhere in me is sure that they're the ones whose children will definitely be seeing me a lot. Anyway, they seem so okay with silence and infrequent contact that I might have treated everyone else the same. It might sound like some silly surety but I guess I am sure.

It's just, I miss Sonnet.

Sonnet, Beras, Bear, Palm Tree

          I used to think that if it ever got to the point that Sonnet and I stopped talking, I would miss having someone to talk to about Beras. But honestly, I think Beras have been out of the picture for a long long time. I do still very much respect his being, at least the him that I knew back when I knew him. But truthfully, the one I miss is Sonnet. It saddens me that sometimes she looked down, and I'm not sure if her current friends cheers her up, but even if I'm still in her circle, I would probably still be this silent girl whose choice of cheering up is a trip to the restaurant.

          Such sweet gooey words won't leave my mouth ever. Ever. I don't know why it's so hard to say it. Typing it is easy, as long as it vague, and no one actually knew for certain who it is aimed for.

I do wish I know why I'm like this.

Now: Only Bear and Palm Tree

          Hopefully, I won't ever have to miss Bear and Palm Tree. Who am I kidding? I'm already missing them, hence the post. I wish I don't have to lose them though. I have this fear that if I do, I'll just go on doing what I do, and let them go, biting what I really do feel and well... it's another sort of suffering I don't want to go through again.

Oh well, until later.