Attachment

You know how I'm too deeply attached to stories I've read or watched? I especially love the kind of stories that resonates deep within. The kind that doesn't need overly handsome characters that would melt my heart to make me like 'em.

Most of the stories(novels) I've read have these sort of feeling. As for movies, nah, usually, the impression didn't last for even a day.
          I guess that's coz I choose my novel quite well^^, excuse me if I voluntarily praise myself. *laugh* . As for movies, the factors as to why I don't enjoy them much could be because:

1. I don't watch movies that much.
2. I usually don't care what movie was played.
3. Normally, I just watched what others wanted to watch.
4. They're just something for me to see, and forget the next day.
5. I'm just curious why everyone seem to like them.
6. The advertisement is a whole lot better than the real show.

So yeah, that concludes why movies doesn't leave a deep long lasting memory to me. Not all though. I still love all 3 of The Lord of The Rings movies.

          But anime and manga differs to me. I read/watched a variety of them ranging from different genres. Most anime I choose to watch were interesting and something I would say "great" after it ends. Funnily however, the ones I choose rarely leave me attached to it for months or years. The kind of anime that made a deep long lasting I-don't-know-how-to-explain feeling in me are usually the one recommended. By the most annoying, irritating and meddlesome of a sister. She's not really the first person to introduce the world of manga/anime to me but she's the one who made me realize the joy of watching 'em. Blergh, that sounds annoying.

          The recent anime that I watched that still lingers would be Seirei no Moribito (Guardian of the Sacred Spirit) and Kemono no Souja, Erin (Beastinarian Erin). Those were recommended by that certain annoying sister. The one from long ago would be Sailormoon(manga), though no one really recommend it to me, but it's thanks to Hime that I was able to read that. And there's Code Geass, recommended by Hime. Still love it so much that I rewatched it many many times . Not just love, it's that swirling feeling that always made me think. Or daydream. Haha. And there's a few more but I don't really want to mention all, right? It would take hours and hours or maybe days and weeks to list all of 'em down.

          So basically, why did I start talking about this? That would be due to Saiunkoku Monogatari. I first watched the anime when Animax was still a new channel on Astro. I think that was 6 years ago. At first, it was just a normal like. But then I found out it have a second season, and so I continued till the second season. I only remember bits of it at that time. But maybe 4 or 3 years ago, I rewatched it. DANG, my views completely changed! When I watched it as a kid, I probably don't understand it that much. Since then, I've been rewatching it every year. And since I borrowed the series from my aunt last year, I've been rewatching it every month!

           Siena said she lost interest in it because almost all the guys in the series fell for Shuurei. And I don't remember what else. Actually, I thought so at first too. But then, the first time I rewatched it was because I got that fan-girl disease for Seiran. Haha. The next time I watched it, I kinda' understood Ryuuki's point of view and since I changed my target to General Ran. But the next time I watched it, I kinda' empathize with more characters and find the series even more interesting, not to mention the pain Ryuuki felt seemed more and more real. That's why I couldn't stop. I've been rewatching the series countless of times and I still feel hopelessly dense about the characters. As for Ryuuki, the more I understand his character, the painful it gets. I wanted to sympathize with him but if I do so, won't it be an insult to his effort? This might sound crazy since it's just anime but I sincerely feel like that.

          Sometimes I wonder if I treat reality the way I treat those novels and anime. When I see people in pain, I would pray hard for them or support them from the background. It just didn't feel like me to meddle in their business. The worst is, if they are trying hard, I refuse to sympathize because I feel that it's an insult to their hard work. I wonder if my way of thinking is severely wrong. And if they're not, even when they've been given a push or more, then I wouldn't even care. In this life, you determine how you want to walk your path, right? So if these people are given encouragement, are helped in various ways and still doesn't change, or try their best to change, what other treatment should they receive?

          In the past, due to stupidity and such narrow views, I would sympathize with myself. But you know, sympathizing with yourself is the same as blaming others for your fate. Or blaming fate itself. However, in doing so, you're just being pathetic. I forgot from which anime I heard this, 

"If you hate your fate, change it!" 

Allah gave us trials so we could overcome them, right? I'm not going to say that I've overcome my hurdle in life. Heck, there's plenty I haven't. I don't even have the confidence to say that I won't give up. I might will.

          However, as long as I live, I want to fall back to my own effort, my own hard work. If I fail, that's because I didn't give much effort in it. If I succeed, then maybe my way of doing things was right all along. If the going gets tough, and I feel like giving up, I would remember Kyoko and want to try my best to simply knock down the wall obstucting my path instead of looking for another way out.

          I'm not sure if you understand me but I am thankful to Allah because my experience have made me someone who could empathize well. I have no room for sympathy and I might and have been told I'm cold and harsh for that. Sometimes those words are true, I won't deny it. I'm not such a soft, kind girl in the first place. The least I have is the pride that if I ever did or will help someone, it's not due to sympathy. They just deserve the help, that's all there is to it.

Ehehe, so that all for now. Thanks for reading.

p/s : I actually just wanted to talk

about Ryuuki but I wonder

how it got dragged on.

 Hehe.

Rambling Events

So, here's another start of my random rambling again. For those who had been continuously reading them, seriously, THANKS^^.

Hmm... let's talk about recent event:

          On Valentine's Day (14/2), I've been invited to Chii's house. At first, "they" (Chii and NaO) told me that we're (myself, them, and Hime) eating out. Pizza. So, I told them, "Let me ask Pakcik Damur if I have Driving License on that day". So I went and ask and Pakcik Damur and he said "Nope, no class that day". But then he ask me why, and whether I made plans etc. Yeah, I said. So this pakcik gave me this one look that explain it all- he thought I have a boyfriend. Figures, who had a date with girlfriends on Valentine? Haha, but I don't celebrate Valentine so it's just another odinary day to me anyway^^. I guess he's right to be worried. But he should really not jump to conclusion.

          Whatever, so anyway, they also said that we'll be baking some chocolates too. Yay, I cheered. Never have I bake any chocolate. Heh. But when I arrived, they were sitting around with Chii playing her games [don't remember the title]. Buuh, where's the so called chocolate enthusias? So then, we goofed around for not-exactly a bit, if you know what I meant. After a while -don't remember who-, someone brought up about the pizza. But by then, Chii's mother were coming back. So we thought of just ordering the pizza. Heh, typical. But DUM DUM DUM, Chii's mother came home and made lunch for us. So screw the pizza. Haha. Usually things don't turn out as planned anyway^^.

          I kinda', although I don't think so, forced Chii to let me play her PS3. Hehe, so I guess, because she let me play 'em, the whole trip turns out super worthwhile. I only played one game though - Sengoku; BASARA. I read them somewhere when I was researching about Sanada Juuyushi. Heh, so OBVIOUSLY, I played Sanada Yukimura's character. I played "easy" coz I'm a beginner and such, but I won^^ hehe~ SO either way, just when I was excited about wanting to play Final Fantasy [whatever number I don't know], NaO's dad arrived. I'm going back home with her so.. aww, kinda sigh quietly T^T.

That's that.

          Then I had my driving lesson the next next day. Buu, it didn't really turn out that well. Kinda' embarrassing, if I had to admit. But I won't be defeated by a few embarrassing moments. Who cares if most of the instructor presents were chuckling away. Blergh, I'm a newbie so it's only natural not to have any knowledge they called common. Buh, what's so common about it anyway? *sulking*

          So on yesterday's lesson, I improved greatly. Although of course not as great as the skillful them, but as someone who starts from ZERO, my improvement was commendable, said the motorcycle instructor though.

Well, that's for me to keep in my memoirs.

Until some other time later, JA!

The Standard of a Pretty Boy

We all know how to set our own standard on things right? Tee hee, so I was joking about it with my grandmother.

          My eldest sister is basically of age for marriage. So my grandmother and mother was hoping that she gets married so very soon. I don't know if she's not interested or what, but in mine and my siblings opinion, she's a study freak. She probably loves to study and work so much that even if she love someone, she would choose her career or studies first. [Sorry Siena, if it's not true] I don't think that's a big deal though. Many girls marry at 30's nowadays right? Although, at that age, you're not a girl. A woman. Yucks, it hurts to be old.. And I'm on my way to that lane *sobs*.

          The thing about grandmothers, mothers, aunts and all the middle-aged woman who have children out there is the fact that they want their children to get married. As soon as they're eligible. Puh, not all eligible woman have found the right guy, you know? Well,  that's that. So when my eldest called us earlier, my grandmother told her to go find Mr. Right. Since I was the one doing the listening, and not the one pressured, it's just so hilarious. Probably that's coz I'm also in a good mood. Haha. But then my grandma said, "Just get who you like". Haha, I laughed again. Who she like? There's definitely a catch after that.

           Sure enough. Then she starts describing the characteristic she don't want in my sister so-called future partner. From personality to genetic traits! Hahaha!! Pity those whose pressure. And they are also at the age where getting a job is the utmost necessity for an independant lives. To think that all these years we were taught to be indepentdant ladies until the word "independant" itself must be grinded in our core head... now, when they are facing the world indepentdantly, these aged woman who supposedly raised them said, "Get a husband!" What's the point of making us super indepentdant then?

          I'm not saying that their thinking is wrong though. But I don't think a woman ought to be pressured to find the right guy. If so, they might just make the wrong choice in their rush and what a disaster the marriage would be! Oh wait, why did the topic come to this?

          So, after lunch, my mother suddenly brought up Tazia's case. That sister always dreamed of having the most perfect guy, especially in looks. But she ended up dating a "not-so" good looking person. Though, if you ask me, that guy is almost to perfection that it annoys me so much. He's brainiac, and a great athelete. Plus, he's not so bad in cooking. He's good with pastry too. And he does care for her. But still, my mom said, "why did she end up with that sort of looking guy?" with a sigh.

          Usually, I would laugh it off. Like Tazia would. She always complain about DL (the guy) 's look. He brag that he's handsome so we would definitely laugh at his face and says he's not! It was hilarious. But now, I felt so bad. When my mom said it, I detect that she's not joking. She meant he was not good looking. My thoughts went "whaaaat??" I hate to admit, but Tazia did found a guy with good values. How can my mom said such things? Good looks are not everything. My grandmother did say all the standards to Siena but though she was hoping, she's also joking.

          I don't wanna show how a shocked and half-angry I was, so I simply said, "I know. That's why, who told you to marry father? He become such a standard that all guys seems so ugly". I actually meant that as sarcasm. I didn't mean to use my dad, I just hope my mom realize that she was wrong. Maybe that had a negative effect. *sigh* My mother actually took it as a joke. She laugh so hard and said, "Yeah, it's your dad's fault. Why did I marry a handsome guy anyway? *laugh* Now all my in-laws would be ugly". When she put it that way, it does become a joke. My grandma joined in too and they started laughing.

         Well, since I have quite a lot of good-looking younger male cousins, we start saying how lucky their wife would be. And all the female in our family would be unlucky to have met such high standard looks is the male of our family. Now, any male in-laws would be defeated. Since they start going on and on, I decided to go away. I don't really want to start being an old lady by talking about this sort of things.

          I guess wherever is the same. Women out there are judged by looks. Since I'm a girl, I was always, ALWAYS told to be pretty etc. I didn't realize that males are also judged. I thought most guys would be judged by wealth. Haha. And good look is like a bonus charm. Maybe I was wrong. Who knew these middle-aged women look at all sort of things. Did they actually expect perfection? Is that why the love to sigh. I hope I don't get this bad disease. The sighing was bad enough.

My friend told me this before:

With one sigh, you lose a thousand happiness. With one (sincere) smile, you gain a thousand happiness.

So maybe, the looks part, you should not expect much. You don't want to sigh just because someone doesn't meet your expectation. Afterall, the saying goes "Don't judge a book by it's cover", right? We all deserve to be happier anyway.

Learner Driving License

Now, this felt weird~

          Hello there, everyone! Today's my sis birthday but I wished her late~ haha, what a bad sister =.=ll   Not that I could help it. No, it was entirely my fault.

Happy Birthday, Siena!!

          But actually I'm not gonna post about that. Wait, did my way of speaking sounds cruel? Che, since when do I know how to be all nicey doey. I think I'm fine the way I am.

          The other day, I had my driving class. I was nervous actually. Who knew learning would require nerve! But after the constant reminder of Pakcik Damur (so I wish to call him that) about the clutch, I've gotten the hang of it. He told me I was a fast learner too^^. Oh, cut with the praises!! Hehe~
   Euu, I sound so... what's the word?? Obnoxious, ne?
                 

"Praises are poison to the character"

Where have I heard that before?

 Back to the main topic:

         But, it didn't break-down the nervousness. Only increases my tension. But Ah! Then I met a familiar face! She didn't look my way but we were so close. I thought of greeting her but just by thinking about that made me not concentrate on what Pakcik Damur was saying. And it got to me, what if that pakcik gets mad because I wasn't paying attention? I thought, oh well, that girl doesn't even realize I'm there and she seems preoccupied with her lesson so it would do us both good not to start talking now right?

          So, with her being there, I decided not to show how nervous I am. After all, I love to act like everything was no big deal. Heh. Pretty disgusting, eh? But if there's anything I like about my character, this would be one of them. By pretending that things are not difficult, I would worked my ass of to make sure it won't look difficult. That would include change my way of thinking, my attitude towards that particular work and the strive for perfection. Although, it's a facade I have to put up with, usually when this part of me surfaces, my work tend to be extremely well done, exceeding people expectations. Too bad, it rarely shows up. So, I'm proud to have this side of me. It proves that "When there's a will, there's a way".

Though, it did not help with my lack of will to do anything.

          So, the lesson went on. I've gotten the hang of this whole driving business after an hour plus. Oh, and there's actually another familiar face that I saw there. But she's far from me I doubt she saw me. Well, actually they're my schoolmates. But we're not super close. Still, I though I should say hello. Just as Pakcik Damur decided that "That's all for today", he also decided that I'm driving us home. So, before I had the chance to tell him that I wanted to greet my friends, I was all "WHAT?!" It was my first day! He can't possibly want me to start driving on the road?

         Pakcik Damur then grinned and said, "What? It shouldn't be a big deal, right? I'm sure you'll do fine". No, I don't think I would do fine. No, no, no, was the only thing in my head as I stared at the pakcik, without answering. But the "Shouldn't be a big deal" were echoing in my head over and over and over again until the pitiful poor "no" wasn't heard anymore. So I smiled back at the pakcik and said, "Ok". He looked shocked that instant. Ah, so he thought I would say no. Then he continued, "It wouldn't be a problem because you have your Learner License with you. Are you sure you can do it?" If he wasn't a pakcik, I would have bite his head!! What are you doing, stepping on my pride?!! I'd look pathetic if I said "No" right then. So I just smile again and told him "I'm okay with it. After all basically my instructor is with me, right?" There you go! My counter attack.

          Pakcik Damur grinned again and said "Let's go".

Expecting anything? Well, it didn't really turn out as I planned in my head, the "Heh. It was nothing". It was something. Oh, the nerve!
But, it was okay. At leas Pakcik Damur said it was. And it's not like I made any mistake. All I did was drive slow.. very slow though. Haha, lame right? It was my first try! You can't expect me to be like those fantasy manga style character that seems to do everything perfectly! Hey, real life perfections need practice and perseverance.

So, I got home later and felt totally content!