Try-Hards Together, ok?

First - a little music box tune that describes my current mood:

I was working on mafia game and banner earlier today with Screw. Oh right, did I ever tell you that watching Screw work on photoshop stuff is relaxing?
I shouldn't treat him that way, but I kinda' need those therapeutic moments, so maybe I was using him. I feel bad on that, but my intention of befriending him is sincere - way before we started screen sharing his photoshop works. I thought of being honest and tell him that my only reason to want to watch him work is because it calms me down, but... that's probably too honest and I still like being his friend. Maybe one day, he'll find that attachment I have to be creepy and stay away, but that day is not today. Haha. I should just brace myself early though.

Anyway, when we moved on to mafia game discussion, my parents called and decided to pay me a visit. They bought my cousin's cheese tart and shared some (a lot actually) with me:

Chocolate cheese tart: You can order here.

They taste pretty great. I'm not here to promote it though~ just wanted to share my lovely treat of the day. They took me out, we had durian by the roadside, and they were good too!

Anyway, my point is that they came visit me. I know they've been trying to fix whatever rift there was between us, and I've been particularly difficult on it.
Yes, I take the blame. I'm not being a downer on myself, but it's true. I could say I'm okay with things but at the end of the day, I think some corner of myself haven't truly forgive everything that happened between us from the past years.

It was worse because they didn't trust me with anything, including the fact that I'm an MDD patient. That created a bigger rift.

I couldn't expect them to understand. Hence I pull myself away even more so that I don't become a burden. I know they still don't understand, but the daughter part of me melts a bit when they try to approach something they don't believe or understand.

It makes me feel bad for pulling myself away. I should be grateful they're still concerned, I guess. So I'll try a bit more.

How cruel can I get anyway~
I don't plan to be cruel.

Maybe I was softer today because I bawled my eyes out the whole night yesterday 😂
The timing was just...

Anyway, moral of the story:

Be good to your parents. At least try to.

They may never understand you. They may hurt you.

But they'll try for you, even if it makes things worst.

Having someone try for you is a gift. Be grateful. If you can't be grateful about it though, don't beat yourself up. Some love takes time. Some wounds takes a long time to heal. Just don't give up. If you're an atheist, I'm not sure what to say, since I don't know how it feels like to be faithless but if you have a God you believe in, then surely you'd know:

With every hardship comes ease.

We're fighting an invisible battle. Some will never see it, some are unfortunate enough to know how it feels, and it's alright.
It doesn't make you a worthless human being. We'll be try-hards together. Have better days. We will.

I might talk more about Screw and Gari next time!