Kalafina - Red Moon Live

2NE1 - Ugly

          The froggie-teacher said that my generation music was like "Hey, look at me! I'm the person with the biggest problem in the world!!"

          I don't want to say that it's not true. Because part of it might be true. I'm not soo into music that I realize all this anyway. But even if it's true, why is it wrong? Because it's a fact that these type of people wanted their voices to be heard. Even if it's strangers who heard them.

          I'm not saying that it's a good thing. It might be bad for all eternity, who knows? But then again, there's no telling what's good or bad in this world... So you might as well just scream "I'm BAAD!!! and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE GOOD!!" Because those who said they're good aren't necessarily good. And how do we know that they're real if the hand that streches out was one with over-sympathy, resentment to the problem, and grossed-out by it?

Oh no, did I go back to pessimisism? And I thought I'd changed.

"Don't look at me, I hate this feeling right now.

I just want to hide somewhere, I want to run away.

This world is a lie."

Just how many out there had this deep in their thoughts.......

"Don't easily said that you understand me.

My ugly and crooked heart might resent you.

Don't force me to talk; I don't go well with you.

The cold fakeness in your patronizing looks suffocates me.

Don't come close to me. I don't want your interest."

.................................This is exactlly why it's hard to be saved......

          But either way, I think froggie-teacher meant the right thing, if we focused too much on our problems, we might never see the way out of it. AND we shouldn't expect that anyone would lend a helping hand. But if we really need to, just look at the most trivial things and be thankful for that. Don't ever think that we had it worst.

Those who shine so bright is not the most perfect being...

After all, even the sun lives in the dark dark galaxy.... And the effects of it rays brought shadows..Do you think it really is bright?

Now I'm thinking too much .. Haixx..

Let me just concentrate on whatever that matters.. 

Roads

That really moved me, I wonder why I always seemed to be lucky to stumble upon words like this when I need it... Oh well, let me just thank Allah for that^^. 

          Yosh!! Now back to studying!!!

Extract :

He was the sort of person who would never go astray, so I just left it to him.

....

My brother wasn't at all amazing.(I am actually better at it). He had unbelivable bad sense of direction.

He'd always looked like he was putting a great amount of effort into choosing the right road, but he'd always get it wrong anyway. We never once went straight to our goal.

....

But he definitely didn't go astray. No matter how many mistakes he made, he would always arrive in the end. That's what he would always insist. 

"If you don't give up on getting there, then you're not on the wrong road.Even if the place you arrive at isn't the one you were hoping for, just search out the next road from there. If you do that, you'll eventually arrive without fail."

If you worry about it, think about it, eventually pick a road, and walk down it. Then there's no way it isn't connected somehow to the place you're looking for.

Kurebayashi Teru,

Dengeki Daisy

House of Many Ways by Diana Wynne Jones

Summary

Charmain Baker has led a respectable, sheltered life. She has spent her days with her nose in a book, never learning how to do even the smallest household chores. When she suddenly ends up looking after the tiny cottage of her ill Great Uncle William she seems happy for the adventure, but the easy task of house-sitting is complicated by the fact that Great-Uncle William is also the Royal Wizard Norland and his magical house bends space and time.

Though she is supposed to clean up the mess Great-Uncle William has left the house in, Charmain knows next to nothing about magic, and yet she seems to work it in the most unexpected way. The house's single door can lead to almost any place - from other rooms like the kitchen, to faraway places, and even other time periods. In her first days in the magical house, she ends up looking after a magical stray dog named Waif, had an encounter with a horrible lubbock, a confused young apprentice wizard named Peter shows up, a box of the King's most treasured documents, and a clan of small blue creatures called Kobolds.

When Charmain is caught up in an intense royal search to remedy the kingdom's troubles, she encounters Sophie Pendragon, her son Morgan, a beautiful child named Twinkle (who is really Howlin disguise), and their fire demon Calcifer.

She is soon involved in curing the kingdom of its ills and restoring the long-lost Elfgift.

My Review:

          I was interested with the book beacause of Wizard Howl, predictably. When I first found out that the main character is another girl, I was disappointed. That shows just how silly I am.

In the midst of my head-aching studying, I thought I needed some light reading, so I choosed this book. I didn't thought it would be great!

          Charmain remind me of myself, well, just the lazy portion, a bit, and the fact that we both turn to books when anything happens. I wasn't 'respectable' enough to not know how to clean, wash and cook though.

Charmain character is well potrayed, in my opinion.

     I wanted to praise her more, but my mind is on Howl so let's just skip to that and you could go and read the story yourself to know more about this Charmain dear humorous and adventurous tale.

          I love how Howl disguise as Twinkle. It's just so funny^^. And Calcifer is such a dear. I wish I could say more about Sophie but I didn't read the first book. And it seems that the anime by Ghibli Studio is quite different from the novel. Whatever the case, I love the book-version of Sophie. She's fierce and sweet.

Oh, and I love this part:

"...And Wizard Howl at last handed Waif back to Charmain. He did it with such a dazzlingly apologetic smile that Charmain felt quite flustered.

             I like him better as a grown-up man, she thought. No wonder Sophie was so annoyed with Twinkle!..."

I wish Charmain know how my heart goes pitter patter all over Howl. Hoho. But either way, all of us Howl-fangirls lost to Sophie anyway... T^T so better go back to studying chemistry....

Ja!

Ano Hana

Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai

*highly recommended

Plot

A group of six childhood friends drift apart after one of them, Meiko "Menma" Honma, dies in an accident. Ten years after the incident, the leader of the group, Jinta Yadomi, has withdrawn from society and lives as a recluse. One summer day, an older looking Menma appears before him and asks to have a wish granted. However, she does not remember what it is. 

source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ano_Hi_Mita_Hana_no_Namae_o_Bokutachi_wa_Mada_Shiranai

Click here to watch the story online.

I do not own the link.

My review

It's a wonderful story about friendship, in my opinion. How a person importance differ to each individual...

               For instance, when everyone decide to grant Menma's wishes, all 5 of them have different thoughts. Jinta never wanted to grant the wish because he didn't really want Menma to peacefully leave to heaven (according to the story). But he help and convince everyone because he love her and like seeing her smile. Anaru on the other hand wanted Menma to pass on because she wanted Menma to be out of Jinta's head so that Jinta would like her instead.Yukiatsu was irritated and frustrated because Jinta was the only one that could see Menma so he wanted Menma to quickly leave so that Jinta won't have that advantage anymore. Basically, he and Anaru was jealous. Because Yukiatsu and Anaru was in way had the same problem, they had an understanding. This causes Tsuruko to be jealous of Anaru. She wanted to help Menma so that Anaru would be together with Jinta, and thus creating chance between her and Yukiatsu. As for Poppo, he saw Menma died and the image won't leave his head. Especially since he watch her fell and drift without helping. So he thought that if Menma would be happy to leave for heaven, then he would be freed of the guilt (at least that's how I understand it).

               In the end they realize how selfish they had been the entire time.. and they reflect on it. And all this time, Menma only wishes for them to be happy, to be friends again. To be friends forever.

Either way, the ending was tear-jerking. I haven't felt that sad for any story for many years now...

     It felt good to cry.

Back on the track

 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Accounts are hard. But they're super satisfiying once you get it right. Super. I mean it. It's really a head-ache to go through accounts but when you get it done and right, it make you feel like flying in the clouds and tremendously happy.
          That's why I'm glad I'm taking accounts and came to the class today.


To those who were concerned by my sudden 'run-away' from everyone.... hmm... how do I put it? I mean by the sudden silence I've been purposely... no.
To those whom I've been avoiding and kept silence in these few weeks,
          Thank you for your concern.


I'm not having problems actually. I just didn't want to talk about anything. There's something bugging me since ever, and I wanted to sort it out. I didn't want anyone's word to affect my decision so I decided to keep my mouth shut. That's all there is to it.

          It's been cleared out now. Again, no.. the problem have not been sorted out just yet. I don't think it will in the near future. It might take [high possibility] the rest of my life. And this thing is making me insane.
Well,... though that certain problem is not solved, and I don't want to be dragged on by it and unabling me to move forward,.. I decided to leave it aside.
     It is not the best solution.
But it's the only one I can think of for now.

          So anyway, my head is a lot clearer. I'm not going to let myself be strayed again. I have found what i wanted to do, though it's only a short-term plan. A plan is still a plan, so whatever.

I'm going to try my best to stick to it. I'm setting my priority right now. And for that, I'm not gonna bother with anything else.
So forgive me if I say "No" to everything.
     And remind me if I ever said "Yes" to something that might waver my determination.

I know myself well enough to know thatmy heart waver fast. Especially when it involves things that I like.

          It's not that I don't like the goal I'm setting. It's just that I don't see it yet. Well, I think that happens to a lot of us.That's why this time, I want to do it right.



##############################################################

Let pray it turn out really well.....

...

No Name

Today, I just created another blog because I remember noname too much. The feeling lingers. I really do miss talking to him.

Where could you be now?

Something Striped

Ohoho~

     it's gonna be a short post~ Coz I'm just taking this tiny part of my life, I meant stealing some time in the middle of the night just to brag that I have a new [shirt](?).

Tazia and Firann gave it to me for my birthday present. Wasn't expecting any, truthfully. Didn't even feel anything when they gave me the present. Though it's quite sad and pathetic to say, I simply thanked them because that was the common courtesy.
     I have to say sorry for that though.

          It seems that I have taken a huge liking to it and right now I really do feel thankful and happy too.. huhu

A Slight Bliss

I wasn't feeling well yesterday.

          No, I was feeling my worst. The headache had gotten so super bad I felt like it's better if I wasn't born with a head. Literally! My solution : Sleep and forget all the pain.

However, that Huninis didn't want anyone to go and ask her why did I not go to school. Heck, she was all, "I had nothing to do with your head." and "Quit pretending!!"

     Hence, even though my whole body felt uncoordinated and deserves to be in the grave for once [though logically,  once it's in, it won't be back - unless i'm a zombie; if that exist], I still went.

But things just can't be if your eyes aren't functioning and you hands can't even hold your pen properly. And whatever teacher teach are like hissing to the ear. Yeah, in short, my senses were impaired for the day. Predicted.

           So, I just last for 30 minutes in History class in which I just found out today that we were actually learning about World War 2. After that 30 mins, I was sent to the sick-room. Normally school have this so called nurse room or something right? Well, my small school doesn't - and anyway, we call it the sick-room. For those who cannot attend to class, and are supposed to be pick up by their guardian to go back home. In my case, I went 'cause I can't attend class,even if I did, I'd just be some pitiful pathetic kid who's stupid enough to come to school KNOWING that I'm terribly unhealthy.

     And to the teacher, I'm a bother to the class if I'm sick. [which until now my father can't seem to believe me - always saying that teachers are concerned]

          So that super early in the morning, I was sent to the sick room. Not that I have any objection anyway. My brain is about to explode and I wouldn't want to look pathetic trying to withstand the pain in front of my classmates. So, I choose a corner where I can crouch a bit and sit there [ on the kind of chair grannies love to sit on ] with my hand on the ever-striking-stabbing-exploding-painful head. I really really very very much not want to go to school on that day but well, as long as she's my legal guardian, I can't say anything about it, right?

But this post is not typed to express how hateful and spiteful my feelings on that day or how many sins have I accumulated by cursing a certain someone thousand of times.

     No, this is posted because I was being treated unexpectedly kindly by someone I never thought would ever do.

Well, about the first hour in the sick-room, the counsellor came in and saw me and immediately recognise me. Not to brag, but I was one of the "expected to get straight A's" student, so yeah, of course she knows me. I hope that she would keep quiet because it's frustrating to force myself to listen when my senses aren't even working well. 

          And bla-bla-bla, usual stuff, get better, aim A, and bla-bla again, it made me sick. I felt worse actually. Annoying, but she's the counsellor. Her work is to talk. Maybe. Haixx~

But soon, the-newly-appointed Principal who was the ex-head teacher showed up. Suddenly too. And I thought, what a bAAaaD timing! And much to my plan of sitting in the corner and be unnoticed, she noticed me in an instance. Huuuh~

          But that's when my senses seems to be working a bit. Umm, cause I can see her face clearly. ANd though my head still stab-pierce-sting-strike-explode, I could actually hear a bit of their conversation. "that girl.... ah,... five... so early..??" well, that's all I heard. But I conclude it to be "What is that girl doing here? Ah, she's the 5 SC 1 student that Zamzam* mentioned... She's sick? So early??"

Well, then I don't know what they were talking about cause' I feel like fainting already.

          By the time I realize it, the counsellor was out of sight. However, the principal was standing there beside me. I was shocked, but I still had my pride. My current face must be a nightmare to look upon, so I hid it with my hand. Part-part. Part of the hand function was to help me withstand the pain, part of it is to hide my face. The principal said nothing to this. Now that I think of it, maybe that was kinda' rude. Refusing to look at the person who's OBVIOUSLY looking at you.

Anyway, she suddenly spoke.

          "Do you want to go home?"

Duh, I was practically kicked out, not really but near to that~ haah.. So I said, "no, I'll go back to class later".

     Of course she's not a fool to believe that. Anyone care enough to look would realize that the pain would not go away in just a few hours. Well, at least that's what the doctor said on the last visit. She said it would at least take a whole day to ease the pain, that is, if I have enough rest.

      And anyway, the principal just stare. It was like that for a few minutes. Very awkward, super awkward. That's the principal! Why can't she leave me alone, I thought.

But then, again, she broke the silence.

          "I had migraine actually. And mine was terrible too. Once it attack, it would last for the whole week. Usually, for 4 days. If I'm lucky enough, 1 day. That's rare too."

And I thought, really?? So? Where is this conversation leading us to?

   I did not, predictably, voice it out.

She continued, "But you see, your teachers want you to go to school, your parents want you to go to school, you want to go to school, am I not right?"

Truth is, my teachers don't care - I think so strongly so - as long as I would get A on their papers and not to ever fail. My parents, which one? Mom just didn't want to be blame for all the illness, and this was told from her mouth, "I don't want to answer to your father each time he ask why you're not going to school". Gah, to her, I'm probably a living burden. About myself,... yeah I kinda' do want to go... maybe..

          Even so, when the principal said this, unlike many other teacher who obviously ask just for the sake of filling in the attendance, she said it with concern. At least, if my head wasn't playing a trick on me, I detect the concern in her voice. For once, maybe there exist teachers who cares, I thought.

And then she went on about how she's coping with it, gave me a few suggestion, and then told me to get a lot of rest. Don't overwork and etc. And she said, if I could pull it out, then it will be possible for me to achieve what I want. 

          She have not once, not once mention the As, the exams and all the things she constantly remind all her students for the whole 5 years I know her. Even if it's just my ears and head playing a trick on me, even if I'm just dreaming or fantasizing, those words at that moment truly lifted all the pain. And it made me slightly happy. And I'm grateful for that slight happiness^^.

It's fine if I was wrong, is that's a dream, if that's a lie, I was just happy.

But for the rest of the day, the pain return and I felt like the world turn upside down again.

Even so, I still feel unrest

*Zamzam - a teachers name