The thing with Gari made me think a lot. Convincing someone that things will get better makes me hate myself since that's an everyday effort, just to believe it myself. So it was not really surprising to me, when I asked for OssanFruit's help.
When I first contacted Ossan, I thought he was going to ignore me, as he did with Jellyfish. And since I was close (maybe) to Jellyfish, I thought for certain, that he most definitely will. But maybe I didn't actually think that, from what I know of him. Since why else would I send a message if I was certain it will be ignored?
He responded though, though warily at first, thinking I'd be asking about Jellyfish. When I told him that wasn't it, he showed relief, which in turn made me feel guilty. I was supposedly Jellyfish's supporter, and here I am, talking to the enemy.
The enemy knew my wants better than my friends though. Haha, that's a scary notion in itself.
At the end of a series of questions from me (funnily, my first conversation with Ossan also takes the form of an interrogation), Ossan asked me why I asked.
"I just want to see how it is along the road."
And he laughed. I think he did. In my head he did.
"No reassurance here," he said.
For some reason, being told that he can't offer assurance makes me feel more comforted than I've ever been. We live in uncertainty, so what human can actually tells me that it gets better?
I wished I could've helped Gari the same way OssanFruit offered me comfort.
I still do.
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