I hope being busy could make me forget a few things. I meant kept my mind off things that's pretty much a big bother.
Anyway, how are you guys?
Yesterday, I think it was yesterday or the day before, something happened in the house. Nothing big, nothing unusual, but because it was something that is basically nothing, something stirred. There's this funny feeling all of us had that we just shrugged off about it and left everything in silent.
So later that evening, Tazia and I went out somewhere. We're supposed to go and pick up our ordered cakes. Or her cake, in precise word. (¬‿¬)
Well anyway, we went out. Like usual with Tazia, conversation came out naturally, about lots of stuff; jumping from one topic to another. However, all of the sudden she said, "Actually, I'm jealous of you".
It's not really sudden, hehe. We were talking about cakes. So I told her- "You know, the other day when we quarreled? That day when I got so angry with you that I don't speak to you at all? Well actually, halfway through the day I wasn't really mad. I got annoyed by how I easily fell to emotion and got mad, so basically after that I was mad at myself. Not at you, I've forgiven you after a few hours".
Then, that sister that I've been envious of since I know ABC, said those words. I was like "--ehh??". Well, how could I even guess that was coming. I thought she's going to give me another lecture like "stupid, why are you so annoying?" or "that's what everyone hates about you" or "if you do that again, you really prove yourself to be the most annoying person", something along that line was what I suspect or just a simple "Eh,.. so I wasted the cake for nothing".
Oh, I skipped part right? Gomen, gomen. Tazia bought me a cake with "Sorry" written on it. I gotta say, she must really hate buying that cake right? After all, my favourite flavour is the flavour she hates the most; Coffee cake. I'm a crazy coffee-person by the way.
Now come back to the story:
I mean, why would SHE- especially her, would get jealous of me? She's the perfect girl right? She's charismatic, brave, sociable, pretty [I honestly hate to admit this (*￣m￣) ], athletic, intelligent, a lot more diligent than me and independent. How do I say this... in terms of personality, I'm the total opposite of her. So, why don't you just use opposite words for all the description given to characterize me (¬､¬).
Someone like THAT ↑ is jealous of me? While thinking all these, I just laughed it off. Well, if it turned out to be a joke, I don't wanna get caught in the embarrassment, desho? But I can't deny that I am curious as to what the continuation would be. I guess even while telling her in the 'whatever' tone, I did gave her a 'why' hint.
"Because I get angry easily, you see. I have serious temper. That's why, I'm kinda jealous that you can be patient, and forgiving. I mean- you have the tendency to never over-exert your anger. I don't know if it good or bad, but I'm seriously jealous of that part of you". She said.
"Oh."
So that's was what it was. I guess those are good characters right? But honestly, for someone I envy to say that she's jealous of THAT part of me doesn't really make me feel any good.
You see, I'm only high in patience because I don't want to be in pointless fights. It's not even patience. I just hold everything in. Too troublesome to take any stand. And another reason to that would be the fact that I've been fascinated by the 'point of view' term and have been exercising that since ever. I guess, I have too much empathy that even if I get angry, I'll end up regretting it because I would start thinking why the other party made me angry in the first place. And even if they're at fault, I just can't help but think "That's just the flow of things. They just didn't realize. Since I realize it first, I should be the one giving in..".
Maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not such a bad thing. Because I wasn't being a hypocrite, right? Saa..
But that whole personality is a double-edge sword to me.
It cuts slowly.
I wonder how deep is it now? Saa..
Oh well, I have to be tough. I got a new semester to go through. Ya Allah, give me the strength.
Ja minna! Sorry for being depressing right now.
(∩︵∩)
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