Sanctuary from the Wretched

Have you ever loath a place, only to find out how much you miss it? I don't mean a change of heart, or a realization.
I mean how something can be both loathsome and comfortable.

Maybe I'm mad. Maybe I'm sick at heart.

But there's a place that I long to go, but I will never be able to return to.
There's also a place that I hate to return to. I hate it to the point that it gave me migraine just by the thought of it but it's also the one place I will return to or think about when all other bad things happen.

-sigh-

So my fever.. have lasted for a week. How utterly disturbing.
I'm so sad I can't even cry about it.
I have more energy today though. Not today, I mean now.

A 'What' in December

December. Like many others who thinks, this is the month where you collect the pieces of the months before, and reflect.

What have I done?
Why did I do it?
Have I done well?
Have I done enough?
What can I do now?

Since May however, the only question I asked myself was "What am I doing?". That's still the question now.

The Meaning of the Blocks of Papers

Books.
Wondrous, lovely, tempting, treacherous little things.
For me it is. For me they are.

I started reading at the age of 4. I learned my alphabets fast. For a slow learner, that I picked up at a really weird pace. Quite alarming, if you think about it. For at that time, my peers, neighbours, family, siblings and friends, were picking up stones and blocks and play shooting games, or play castles -prince, princesses, dinosaurs, fishing, tiger, cat, dog, mermaid etc or simply swing and slide in the playground.

Me?

Let's go back in history.

“What would you do if you were not afraid?”

Was reading through many other blogs and I stumbled upon this: http://familyonbikes.org/blog/2011/11/50-lessons-i-wish-i-had-learned-earlier/

 Imagine if you're in well... just anywhere, and wanted to do something, but you didn't. Reasons: could be a lot. Could be few. Most of the time, it's that fear. Fear of shame, fear of being weird, odd and different. Fear of being laughed at. Fear of being rejected, or ignored. Fear of things going wrong. It could be anything.

So when I was saw that, I did, somehow pulled to that imagination of a world without that fear.
"What will I do if I was not afraid?"

I am Sorrow

I am not in sorrow :P

That's the name of a poem.

I AM SORROW

Just wanted to share an extract phrase on how one of my favourite character (and it seems that she's real) view refugees:

The End of Your Life - -

I woke up today felling incredibly irritable.

The Sick Bed

Maybe the fact that I'm always feeling sick doesn't matter much. After all, it's frequent. Frequent is equal to normal. Which made it not so big of a deal. Still.....

Source: http://ladyselph.deviantart.com/art/I-think-I-have-the-flu-277205400

.....Unless you're looking for an excuse to avoid meeting someone or to play truant with stuff......

 Who doesn't hate?

The Beginning

... I guess I need this right now ...

Nanka... kore wa owari janai yo ne?

Yosh!

-n0t- BetteR if I sTaY

Tazia said something.... hmm.. quite disturbing the other day.
She said I'm a patient person and that's a good thing. She said, compared to her, who's always getting angry and emotional over the smallest thing, I could endure even the biggest thing.

         As much as that sounded like a compliment, I doubt I could accept that. I might not be as rash as she is, but patient? I wonder if that's me.

Silver Airship

I want to see you once again.

#nowplaying supercell - Gin'iro Hikousen

          Recently, I've been talking to Amo-sama a lot. I don't really have a single word that could describe him but Amo-sama always say that he's heartless. I wonder what those usual shoujo manga character would do.. They'd definitely go all "Ah, no.. there must be a reason. I must save this lonely person" or something like that. Honestly, if that happened to me, I'll say "Back off. I'm not so pitiful that you need to save!"
Ok, yes. I have something against those girls. That's why I prefer characters like Haruhi (OHSHC) or Shizuku (TnK).

The odd part here though.. is that I'm jealous.

<>Do<>NoT<>AsK<>

I kept a lot of things to myself.
     Maybe that made people think I'm being secretive.
          Some friends may see that as me not trusting them enough.

When they ask me why's that, I usually tell them "I don't know".

Maybe Stress Got To Me

#nowplaying Blue - Guilty

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty

That, honestly wasn't part of what I wanted to express at the moment. I just had this sudden feeling of sharing what I'm listening. It's not like I'm feeling guilty of anything.

          It's just that my friend, Amo-san asked me last few weeks about my love life. It's odd that anyone was interested at all. I didn't really tell him exactly like I wrote in "The Yucky Love Stuff" which also wasn't really everything. But I told him about entry no. 4; The one with faraway eyes.

Buses & Trains

Lately I've been re-playing the same song over and over. Uranna once told me that re-playing songs is one of the sign of looking past bad habit, brooding over things and most of the negative stuff.

          Maybe he's right, but sometimes, some people just can't really see the past as it is. Some might re-play it over and over, not for the "what if", but simply because there's no "STOP" or "PAUSE" button. Something one can't control by oneself.

Elle, "L"

Hey~ haven't been active for a while. I mean, I'm always, in out in out lately. Haha, whatever that means.

So well, like always, a lot had happened and as always, I don't know how to phrase it or just too lazy to talk about it.
Somehow, I'm always sad these days. Even when I'm happy, some parts of me still depressed about some things I don't know of. Odd, isn't it? I didn't get it myself. There are days that I just fall into this abyss that I can't seem to get out of. Worse, I don't even know what's causing it. Maybe using 'abyss' is too hardcore, but that's what I usually feel when I'm feeling it. On days like this, I miss Elle.

The Little Meanie Side of A Good Girl Gamer

What's that?

Well, in case you guys haven't know of it, but I'm sure you do. I play games, loads of it. Makes most normal life-living people out there call me a gamer.
Although I'm pretty sure I'm not those hardcore gamer. Since I get bored of games too fast and never seem to finish them.

So, in any case, the thing is, I love playing the good guy in games. I usually don't go to the dark side. I mean, picking up on lower levels player? That's low, man.
You can justify that it's just a game, it's just for fun and etc but what about WHY you even thought of doing it?

So yeah, that's what I'll say before I get too addicted and too bored.
Oh, you need to be addicted first. If you're bored, but not so addicted, you'll just gonna leave the game halfway and find something much more fun.
But if you're addicted, and bored, then you can't leave the game.... but you have to find another way to make it fun. That's when the mean side of you come.

Waiting For The Start

Yeah!!! So I'm starting my degree course in two days :3

And I can't wait!!

Honestly, big lie~ I'm not really enthusiastic about it. Trying to be doesn't hurt anyway, so why not?

The Yucky Love Stuff

Alright, more have happened ever since but being me, I was lazy to update anything at all.
          Well, that's mainly because I was having trouble to form the right sentence to phrase in my writings, which might as well just be an excuse for being lazy or might just be the truth. I don't know. I have to question myself with what I'm thinking nowadays. I can't ever be sure.

With all the yucky love stuff being brought up constantly almost everywhere, I finally decided what to write about. Yeah, yucky love stuff. I'll give the credits to Julia Roberts (My Best Friend's Wedding). I love the way she said it.

So what sort of substance? Well, let's review my failed love life over the course of... my life? Ok, that's odd. Don't worry, it's not a sad story. Might be depressing and pathetic though. Haha. You have been warned.

When The World Expands

Have you ever felt like you're left behind by a great deal of things that matters?

          Here's a story about someone who worked so hard on something and now have to re-think her steps.

She's on the verge of success, what made her even think of pulling out?

It happen when it happen

Guess what? I got into an accident. That was on Thursday, 7th of February, at 4.54 p.m.

And guess what? I typed that statement more than a month ago ==ll

Ok, I was being busy. No, I wasn't being lazy. I was being busy. Busy with stuff. Like assignments, clubs, extra studying, and over-gaming. Haha.
Still, that counts as busy, not lazy.

Stage 2: Exposition

Sorry for being lazy with post.

As for the title, if you're wondering, in a plot, there's introduction/exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution, right?

I think I'm at the 2nd stage of my the plot, hence explains the title.

I would think that my exposition would be the moment I decided to be resolute on my goal. I had taken the first step (the smallest first step; still a step anyway), so I'm putting myself on the 2nd stage instead of first.

I want to do more this year. Well, to align with my resolution.

I mean it.

Towards ....

! ! ! HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! !

It's new year!!! Yesterday's yesterday, that is~ huhu.
I was having fun yesterday so I say my new years to you all today^^

So, here's a new year resolution picture^^

So that we'll create our life and take charge of it! 

We are the main role of our story after all :)

TOWARDS OUR DREAMS !